"Do not bring people in your life who weigh you down. And trust your instincts … good relationships feel good. They feel right. They don’t hurt. They’re not painful. That’s not just with somebody you want to marry, but it’s with the friends that you choose. It’s with the people you surround yourselves with" -Michelle Obama

At one time or another we all think we are in love; head over heels for a guy who we are pretty sure hung the moon. But ladies let me tell you, your "love" can be disguising a huge jerk who will break your heart and never look back. You truly won’t know what love is until you know what love is not. This one is for the girls who think they know what love is.

I’ll start with what love is not. Love is definitely not when someone teases the most sensitive parts of you and then says they’re kidding. Love is not when you don’t hear from them for a handful of days and you’re worried sick, but all they say is that it’s not a big deal. Love is not when they hide their phone from you because they have something, or someone, to hide. Love is not full of secrets, trying to outdo each other, or constantly fighting. If you are constantly fighting or constantly making up, and there are very few times that you're able to just be happy, this is not love. Love is not when they can flirt with someone right in front of your face and act like it’s just one of your "personal problems" you need to get over. Love is not when they tell you that you shouldn't worry about someone but they are lining up their next girlfriend while they're still with you. It’s not lazy or demeaning. Love is not someone making you miserable and you making excuses for them.

Here's what love is. Love is happiness. Love is effort. Love is loyalty and honesty. Love is when someone knows you so well, not because they follow you on social media, but because they hear you when you talk. They listen. It’s when someone comes to pick you up because the roads could be icy or snowy later in the day, but they still make the effort to see you while making sure you're safe. Love is respect and compromise. Love is when they hang out with your parents and other family because it’s important to you. Love is when they open doors and pull out your seat for you because they respect you. It’s when they look for you in a crowded room. It's when they stand up when you enter the room. Love is when they are able to swallow their pride and apologize when they hurt your feelings… And I’m not talking about apologizing with a hug or kiss or flowers. It’s when they can say it to your face and mean it. Love is kind. Love is understanding. Love is fulfilling. Real love is a beautiful thing. It gives us a glow.

Now ladies, I know most of you are thinking that I might be full of shit, especially those of you who relate most to the paragraph about what love is not. Well, I’ve been where you are right now. I've made excuses for the guy who I was blinded by, I dated that guy. I even thought I loved him. I let him completely shatter me. He made me think that he cared about me when he actually only cared about himself. I lost a good amount of weight. I started partying too much, and not sleeping enough, all while trying to hide my struggles from my friends and family. It took me 6 months to get my appetite back to a healthy standard, but even after that amount of time I still struggled. My smile was always fake and so was my happiness.

But, luckily, after some soul searching one evening, I realized much better things were coming my way. Boy oh boy, let me tell you, I was right. So yes, I understand that you "love" this guy, but trust me, leaving and choosing to be happy is the bravest, healthiest thing you can do. You can’t fix him and you shouldn’t have to. You deserve a man, not a boy. You deserve for someone to choose you every time. You're not someone's back up plan.

So here's some advice: take your 30 seconds of insane courage and just look at whatever asshat is breaking your heart and thank him. Thank him for showing you what you don't deserve and what you should never have to put up with. Now, tell him to never to contact you again, walk away, and don't ever look back.

You're onto better things. I know I sure was.

A few months after I found some of my self respect and started to become myself again, I found the love of my life. He was patient with me and has shown me how love, respect, and trust are supposed to feel. Everything in your life happens for a reason and brings you to where you need to be. Have a little faith in yourself and you'll find the happiness you deserve.