Katie,

I have started this article about ten times or more now, trying to get this right.

I’ve been thinking of how to start a letter to you, my newly 15-year-old little sister, thinking about the right way to tell every single person I can get my hands on how much of a dork you are and how ineffably proud I am of you and everything you do.

I’ve been sifting through an Internet of birthday quotes either drenched in sappy overtones that’d have your eyes rolling so hard you might sprain them or piled high with reaching attempts at comedy that’d fall flat at making either of us laugh. And comedy falling flat with us is a hard feat, considering I’m pretty sure we laughed at the phrase “exotic butters” until we cried one night. You know me well enough to know that I could beat out any one of them with the absurd and terrible things I say every time we’re together. And I know you well enough to know you’d always be able to go further. You’ve always had the far quicker wit, but I’ve got to at least pretend I hold that title. Older sister occupational hazard, dude.

I’ve been attempting to decipher the code of how much I can embarrass you without ending up losing a limb of some sort in the imminent fight that would follow. And don’t give me that look I know you’re giving me - I’m your older sister. That’s one of the greatest jobs God’s ever given to me, and embarrassing you is one of the many, many perks which I plan to use to its fullest potential. Rest assured, little sister, I’d fight you right back. You’d probably win, but I’ll never tell you that.

I’ve been typing out random words in search of just the right set of phrases, but I’m faltering for words worse than I do at 2 AM when we’re watching try-not-to-laugh challenges and are too tired for English. I know you’d be laughing just watching me and I’d be telling you to “shut UP” in a voice slurred at best, punching your arm and the keys of my computer at the same time (the closest to multitasking I'll ever get).

I've been trying to get this just right. I've been trying to make this the best it could possibly be, trying to make this the perfect birthday letter for one of the greatest human beings I've ever known and one of my favorite people in the world.

And then I realized.

I haven't been perfect a day in my life. And, by default, nor have I been perfect a day of yours. I wanted to be the older sister you deserved, the one who'd always be exactly what you needed, who'd always be there for you in exactly the right ways, who'd always be exactly the right person in your life. And I haven't been that even once. I've failed time and again, let you down, made mistakes. I have not, for one moment, been the big sister I always wanted you to have.

And that hasn't mattered to you.

You have loved me unconditionally. You have attached no stipulations to my job as your older sister. You have not laughed at my misfortunes, not berated me for my failures, not deserted me even when dealing with me became utterly unbearable. You have been the little sister for whom I cannot thank God enough, the little sister I will never deserve, the one to inspire and challenge me to be better than I ever thought I could be.

So thank you.

Thank you for teaching me new lessons every single day. Thank you for every inside joke, every ounce of teasing, every fight we've ever had, every bit of forgiveness you offer me every day, everything about you. Thank you for all that you've done and all that you are. You will never know how much you mean to me because I will never have the word to adequately express it. So the best I can say is this. With all that I have and am, I will fight for you, little sis. Your passions are mine, your cares are mine, your hopes and dreams I will never stop supporting. I will make endless mistakes, and I apologize in advance for those. But just know that I am here for you. If I'm ever not, just smack me. I'll come to my senses.

Happy Birthday, dear Katie. Get some YouTube videos ready for when I get home, I'm ready for a marathon. I love you.