It is said by many that when someone is the first thing on your mind in the morning and the last thing on your mind at night, you are truly in love. Now, I can’t say I feel this way about too many men in my life, but this is most certainly true about all food (No offense, guys. You’re great, but a girl has to have her priorities). Food is reliable, it is comforting, and it is delicious, just as any soulmate should be. For these reasons, I think it is safe to say that there are quite a few foods I would marry before I settle down with any man.
1. Pizza
The only man I would marry before I marry pizza, is the man who created pizza himself. You are great. Our world is monopolized by pizza and I think we are all perfectly okay with that. When I need some lovin’ at 3 a.m., I can booty call for some pizza and it will be delivered to my doorstep. But what’s the best part? The leftovers are still too good in the morning. I can’t even.
2. Ice Cream
If you wouldn’t marry ice cream, I honestly have no idea what is wrong with you. Ice cream is quite possibly the most comforting food on the face of the planet; when I have nobody else to turn to, ice cream is always there. It comes in so many forms: just plain ice cream, ice cream cakes, ice cream sandwiches, or milkshakes! In this case, my milkshake brings all the ladies to the yard. Yep, I said it.
3. Donuts
I do-”nut” know what I would do without donuts. Oh my god. There is such a wide variety of donuts, so you could never possibly get bored of eating them. Whether it be Boston Creme, jelly-filled, glazed, or drowning in sprinkles, there is always a kind of donut that is there for you. And isn’t variation one of the most valuable components to a relationship? Right.
4. Peanut Butter
5. Chipotle
Chipotle is a given, I’m sorry. When I open the doors to Chipotle, my heart pounds and I sweat profusely - a sign of true love. I don’t care if a side of E. Coli is included when you ask for extra guac; love withstands every storm. Chipotle, you are the ultimate bae.
6. Chicken Wings
There ain’t no thang like a chicken wang, people. If you’re like me, you love a good chicken wing that’s so spicy it will make your nose run. Boys will make me cry from breakin’ my heart, but an extra hot wing will only make me cry tears of spiciness. After all, who doesn’t want a super spicy partner in life?
As I composed this super bizarre love letter to all my favorite foods, I realized how difficult it would be to choose just one to be my lifelong partner. Love isn’t always easy, but it is worth it. Food, thank you for always being here for me when I need you. I love you.
