Think of how many times you've witnessed an encounter like this: a demanding customer sits down at a popular restaurant. Frustrated and tired, a server approaches the customer to take their order. The customer begins listing off their painfully detailed order, no “please” or “thank you” included. Even more frustrated than before, the exasperated server leaves the table to attend to their other ungrateful customers.

In my experience, uncomfortable situations like these are prevalent when it comes to food service settings. And every situation has been the direct cause of one problem: a failure to be nice. I quickly learned, both by working in food service and by being a customer, that being nice will always prove more beneficial than being rude. But for people to agree, I feel it necessary to quantify the logistics of my decision.

In economics, game theory is often used to model competing behaviors of interacting agents, such as oligopolies. In game theory, agents are expected to reach a “Nash equilibrium," in which each player makes the best choice, regardless of what their opponent chooses. The best way to defend the case for being nice, I feel, is through this method.

To keep things simple, I quantified the outcomes for both parties: servers and customers. For customers, I used quality of customer service (good or bad), and for servers, I used amount of tips received. When solving game theory problems, it is common to use a table such as the one below to determine the best course of action for both parties.

Let’s say a customer chooses to be nice, how should the server respond? According to the table, the server should be nice to receive higher tips. But what if the customer chooses to be rude? Surprising to many, it is still within the servers best interest to be nice, because their chances of receiving better tips is still much greater this way. Still, many will follow the adage “treat others how you wish to be treated” and disregard this claim completely. After all, why should you be nice to someone who is rude to you?

As someone who has had to deal with extremely rude customers, believe me when I say I understand why it seems impossible to be nice to those who are not. Even so, it was always better for me to be nice to those who were rude to me. After observing many uncomfortable encounters in food service, I quickly learned that firing back with a harsh tone never failed to end poorly. At the end of the day, you probably won’t better the situation by being nice, but you can at least avoid worsening it.

Thus far, I have only made a case for servers being polite to their customers—but the same expectation applies to customers. If we were to replay the decision making game from the viewpoint of customers, it will always be in their best interest to be nice, whether their server is polite to them or not. Managers in food service industries tend to preach the saying “the customer is always right” to their employees. And to a degree, I agree with this statement but I find that it does not tell the entire story.

Food service interactions should act as a 2-way street: servers should be expected to be respectful to customers (hence the customer is always right), with the understanding that customers will be respectful to them. This popular adage, however, does not necessary follow this logic. Based on this phrase, it is completely within a customers right to be rude to their servers, seeing as how they are “always right.” To me, it will never make sense for customers to be held to such a double standard; how do you justify giving someone the right to be rude, and expect that people be polite in return? As customers, we must remember: servers are not slaves, they are people—with goals, aspirations, and feelings. If we can remind ourselves of this, uncomfortable interactions in food service settings would certainly be reduced.

To clarify: at first blush, it may make very little sense to claim that being nice to a rude customer will result in high tips, just like it may seem absurd to claim that being nice to a rude server will result in good service. Having experienced both sides of this spectrum, I can confirm that a good number of rude customers have tipped me little, and a handful of rude servers have provided me with poor service. Even so, I stand by the claim that being nice, in either scenario, will at least increase your chances of receiving either better service or more generous tips. Sure, you might be very respectful and STILL receive less than average tips/service, but being rude in return will very likely diminish your chances for a pleasant experience.

At the end of the day, it will never make sense to be rude in food service scenarios. I understand that people who work in food service will most certainly have bad days, but that will never serve as an excuse to be rude to a customer. And as customers, we must remember to respect one another, even those who serve us. Most importantly, in the event of a rude customer or server, we must refrain from feeding the fire. If you can’t change a situation or a person, the best thing you can do is be nice.