"Are you just not eating your lunch for attention?" Sitting at the lunch table with all of my friend's eyes on me. What do I say? I really did not think anyone would notice or say anything of that nature to me.
In eighth grade, I was so self-conscious that I knew I was not eating enough calories a day for how much physical activity I was doing. I swam and played volleyball year round, so my body was burning more than I ate. I knew that. I never ate breakfast when I was younger, but no worries, as I grew up Honey Nut Cheerios became my BFF.
Lunch was an iffy meal; sometimes I would eat, other times not. I would eat dinner after practice to fuel my body. Plus, I was ravenous! It was not until a teacher asked if I had lost a significant amount of weight that it hit me that it was noticeable. I had lost 16lbs in the span of just a few months. Yeah, I can attribute some of that to maturing, but I knew I was hurting myself in the process and that was not how I wanted to live.
Freshman year in college almost everyone experiences the dreaded "freshman 15" or something close to that. Boy oh, boy did I experience 10lbs of it.
Growing up, I have always had a slightly altered body image. Looking back, I can barely remember a time where I was not thinking about how every food item was affecting me. The summer after my freshman year, I decided I needed to go on this extreme diet to lose the 10lbs I had gained in 9 months. I had done extensive research on the Paleo Diet, so it was time to give it a go; buying weird ass foods, measuring every meal I ate as I made it and logging every ounce I ate in MyFitnessPal.
Some say I'm crazy… that's because I kinda was. My parents and brothers joked on me as they say I ate "twigs and leaves." My brother offered to get me a bale of hay before I visited him in California. All good geeks.
Throughout the year, I was still strict with myself regarding my diet. Though, I did allow a few more splurges.
This summer I came across an Instagram account run by Hannah Durbin (@healthy_happy_hannah.) Hannah is recovering from an eating disorder and shares her recovery process with the world. She lives day by day to the fullest and healthiest.
Healthiest is a term that has been manipulated in my mind. Healthy meaning everything in moderation IS OKAY, you CAN eat sweets and still be healthy and you DO NOT have to work out every single day to be healthy. Hannah has opened my eyes to something that I have closed off for a solid year.
Listening to what Hannah said about living a balanced life and fighting those voices in your head took a little while to grasp, but once I did I was extremely grateful. I have eaten ice cream almost every night this summer. MyFitnessPal? Counting calories? Macros? Not a thing.
Last year, I was so invested in my weight that it was detrimental to my mental health. Yes, I still workout almost every day, but I do take some breaks here and there. It is new and hard for me to trust that my body is right when it is SCREAMING to stop or to eat the damn DQ blizzard, but I have taken Hannah's recovery process to heart and have begun to trust my body.
I have taken what I learned from doing the Paleo Diet and incorporated that into living a healthy lifestyle. Most of the foods I eat are Paleo approved but they are also delicious, so it's a win-win.
Last night, my parents and I had pizza for dinner. I had a salad and one piece of pizza. There was one slice left when I said to myself "well, maybe I'll cut it in half. No, eat the damn piece of pizza, Meghan." Such an exhilarating experience to enjoy pizza and not feel guilty about it.
Thank you, Hannah, for teaching me that living a healthy lifestyle is more than a number on the scale or eating certain foods.
You know that trendy saying from the early 2000's "YOLO?" It's true!
The food you put into your system is fueling your body, even if it is ice cream! Live life to the absolute fullest and eat the foods you crave. You do not want to regret the times that you should have eaten a cookie sundae when you are older just because you were worried you may gain weight.
Have "no regrets."
