Millennial Probz: FOMO In Dating

Millennial Probz: FOMO In Dating

FOMO is total crap and we need to move away from this lifestyle.
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FOMO. We’ve all been there, whether we think so or not. It’s always been there, but social media has definitely made the concept a bit more evident. FOMO is the Fear Of Missing Out. It is a compulsive concern that one might miss out on a particular event, experience, etc. This desire for experiences is usually fueled by a 140-character Tweet about how “insane” last weekend was. It can be triggered by a “candid” photo on Instagram of people laughing at a party. FOMO can be anything related to Friday night parties or getting that next hot date. What triggers FOMO? Amos Tversky and Daniel Kahneman demonstrated something called loss aversion.

Loss aversion is the fixation that people have with refusing losses and acquiring gains instead. There is also another theory called “The Paradox of Choice.” Basically, this says that when we have several options, we are often less satisfied with the one we actually choose. Psychology says, in layman’s terms, we just hate to miss out on anything. Here’s the thing, though: FOMO is total crap and we need to move away from this lifestyle.

I'm a 21-year-old college student. I have Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn, and basically every other form of social media (insert shameless self-promotion here). So yes, I have seen my share of engagement posts and party photos. I’ve had a few serious boyfriends in my lifetime and a few guys that I’ve “talked” to. Both of these experiences have led to FOMO. For the longest time now, I have been single (in case you couldn’t tell from several of my other articles). It drives me crazy when I see people in great relationships that they are happy in start self-sabotaging because they are experiencing the infamous FOMO. I've been there, but I'd like to think I've outgrown it. These people are afraid they’re missing out on this lifestyle experience of being single and going out (or going home) with whoever they want.

Here’s the thing, for those of you in this situation: being single is not what it is always cracked up to be. Yeah, you can do whatever you want with anyone you want (with consent), but at the end of the day, you aren’t going home to someone who cherishes you. If you are in a loving relationship you should not be worried about missing out on something. In any healthy relationship, your significant other should allow you to have these experiences of going out with your friends and having fun. You shouldn’t be confined to some cage. However, your loyalty should stay with them on these nights (unless you come up with some other agreement, but that’s all y’all).

FOMO is promoting comparison in our lives. The way we compare ourselves to others as often as we do, can’t be healthy. The concept is completely irrational because we’re bound to miss out on events and people. We need to stop focusing so much on what we don’t have and keep in mind what we do. Practicing gratitude for the good in our lives can be a good way to start this process of moving away from FOMO. Learning to accept “good enough” needs to be an option for us. We, as a society, need to stop trying to maximize the best of every situation because we won’t stop there. We will continue to try and find the next best thing and is that any way to live-Jumping from situation to situation or relationship to relationship? If we continue to live this way, where and when will we stop?

Cover Image Credit: Danielle Smar

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10 Shows Netflix Should Have Acquired INSTEAD of Re-newing 'Friends' For $100 Million

Could $100 Million BE anymore of an overspend?

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Netflix broke everyone's heart and then stitched them back together within a matter of 12 hours the other day.

How does one do that you may wonder. Well they start by announcing that as of January 1st, 2019 'Friends' will no longer be available to stream. This then caused an uproar from the ones who watch 'Friends' at least once a day, myself including. Because of this giant up roar, with some threats to leave Netflix all together, they announced that 'Friends' will still be available for all of 2019. So after they renewed our hope in life, they released that it cost them $100 million.

$100 million is a lot of money, money that could be spent on variety of different shows.

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How Can We Be More Clutch?

Look back on past events in your life where you were resilient, where you did succeed in high pressure and high stakes situations. What did you do then? What can you learn from it now?

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Each of us, deep in our souls, has the gift of clutch. Look no further than the last time you had a paper due in less than an hour with more than two pages to write, and you were able to finish the paper (surely with phenomenal outcomes). That's what you were in that moment: clutch. Clutch as an adjective is defined as being "dependable in critical situations."

Jeff Wise, the author of Extreme Fear , a book about performance in moments of high pressure and danger, said that "there's no question that when pressure is intense, skilled performance are able to tap abilities that are otherwise kept in reserve." I'm sure myself and many of my peers, with final exams and papers on the near horizon, would like to tap into our deep-seated reserves of clutch to lift our grades.

Some believe that the idea of being clutch is a myth, that it is just a statistical anomaly that perhaps we notice it more when people succeed seemingly impossibly in high-pressure situations. According to Wise, to some extent, clutch is a myth - but it is only a myth for those that are not experts in their fields. Professional athletes are the best of the best in their respective sports, and in that context, clutch is not a myth. The truth behind clutch performances is that those we see as "clutch performers" have " a rich store of past experience, organized into a deep intuitive understanding.'

In Dr. Mark Otten's sports psychology lab, the researchers concluded that we can all be clutch, "provided [we're] in the right mental state." Those in high-pressure situations need to feel like they're in control, as those who felt like they were in control were the most likely to succeed under pressure. Obviously, confidence also helps. So those who feel confident and in control are the most likely to succeed in clutch situations.

I do not, however, find the psychological explanations of clutch performance satisfying. To me, clutch performance is not just a psychological phenomenon, but an art, and to me, an art is something that can never be adequately explained, but instead interpreted. There is no one-size-fit-all explanation, and so I will interpret the two most clutch plays in my favorite professional sport, the NBA. Both these plays took place in Game 7 of the 2016 NBA Finals between the Cleveland Cavaliers and the Golden State Warriors.

The two plays are as follows: Lebron James's game-saving block on Andre Iguodala's open layup out of nowhere, and Kyrie Irving's game-winning three pointer.

One thing is clear: the last two minutes of the game were absolute chaos. By this point in the series, both teams had been worn out and absolutely exhausted. The plays were nothing short of miraculous, as Lebron James was located at half-court while Iguodala was at the free throw line, and Irving's shot was heavily contested. When the stakes were highest, the two players succeeded and thrived. While neither team had scored in more than five minutes, the two players pulled through and won a championship for their team, on the road.

Clutch, for the, constituted not cracking under pressure, but thriving under it. The two of them have faces of laser focus indicating their confidence and sense of control in their situations. That is clutch. The game comes naturally to them, and it seems like they stop thinking as hard and just let it come. The two players slow down, and don't freak out. However, I don't know what is actually going on. in their heads. I am merely speculating, and I will never know unless I'm able to sit down and talk to Kyrie and LeBron one day.

I want to take a lesson from LeBron and Kyrie, too, and learn how I can become more clutch in a phase of high-pressure exams and papers. I want to be more clutch in job interviews, in times I'm usually afflicted with overwhelming anxiety, or in social situations that are incredibly awkward.

So to be clutch in our own lives, the formula in high-pressure seems to be this: feel more confident and in control. Slow down and let things come naturally. I have been able to reach these phases using a mantra that taught me to allow life to come naturally: "no surge." I am not saying the formula or even the mantra works for everyone, but it is a mantra that has worked for me given its emotional and historical significance in my life.

Approaching finals, deadlines at work, or difficult life events, find what works for you. Find out how to be clutch your own way, which is much easier said than done, but I don't need to be telling you how to do things you know best yourself. Look back on past events in your life where you were resilient, where you did succeed in high pressure and high stakes situations. What did you do then? What can you learn from it now?

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