Millennial Probz: FOMO In Dating

Millennial Probz: FOMO In Dating

FOMO is total crap and we need to move away from this lifestyle.
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FOMO. We’ve all been there, whether we think so or not. It’s always been there, but social media has definitely made the concept a bit more evident. FOMO is the Fear Of Missing Out. It is a compulsive concern that one might miss out on a particular event, experience, etc. This desire for experiences is usually fueled by a 140-character Tweet about how “insane” last weekend was. It can be triggered by a “candid” photo on Instagram of people laughing at a party. FOMO can be anything related to Friday night parties or getting that next hot date. What triggers FOMO? Amos Tversky and Daniel Kahneman demonstrated something called loss aversion.

Loss aversion is the fixation that people have with refusing losses and acquiring gains instead. There is also another theory called “The Paradox of Choice.” Basically, this says that when we have several options, we are often less satisfied with the one we actually choose. Psychology says, in layman’s terms, we just hate to miss out on anything. Here’s the thing, though: FOMO is total crap and we need to move away from this lifestyle.

I'm a 21-year-old college student. I have Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn, and basically every other form of social media (insert shameless self-promotion here). So yes, I have seen my share of engagement posts and party photos. I’ve had a few serious boyfriends in my lifetime and a few guys that I’ve “talked” to. Both of these experiences have led to FOMO. For the longest time now, I have been single (in case you couldn’t tell from several of my other articles). It drives me crazy when I see people in great relationships that they are happy in start self-sabotaging because they are experiencing the infamous FOMO. I've been there, but I'd like to think I've outgrown it. These people are afraid they’re missing out on this lifestyle experience of being single and going out (or going home) with whoever they want.

Here’s the thing, for those of you in this situation: being single is not what it is always cracked up to be. Yeah, you can do whatever you want with anyone you want (with consent), but at the end of the day, you aren’t going home to someone who cherishes you. If you are in a loving relationship you should not be worried about missing out on something. In any healthy relationship, your significant other should allow you to have these experiences of going out with your friends and having fun. You shouldn’t be confined to some cage. However, your loyalty should stay with them on these nights (unless you come up with some other agreement, but that’s all y’all).

FOMO is promoting comparison in our lives. The way we compare ourselves to others as often as we do, can’t be healthy. The concept is completely irrational because we’re bound to miss out on events and people. We need to stop focusing so much on what we don’t have and keep in mind what we do. Practicing gratitude for the good in our lives can be a good way to start this process of moving away from FOMO. Learning to accept “good enough” needs to be an option for us. We, as a society, need to stop trying to maximize the best of every situation because we won’t stop there. We will continue to try and find the next best thing and is that any way to live-Jumping from situation to situation or relationship to relationship? If we continue to live this way, where and when will we stop?

Cover Image Credit: Danielle Smar

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To The Parent Who Chose Addiction

Thank you for giving me a stronger bond with our family.

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When I was younger I resented you, I hated every ounce of you, and I used to question why God would give me a parent like you. Not now. Now I see the beauty and the blessings behind having an addict for a parent. If you're reading this, it isn't meant to hurt you, but rather to thank you.

Thank you for choosing your addiction over me.

Throughout my life, you have always chosen the addiction over my programs, my swim meets or even a simple movie night. You joke about it now or act as if I never questioned if you would wake up the next morning from your pill and alcohol-induced sleep, but I thank you for this. I thank you because I gained a relationship with God. The amount of time I spent praying for you strengthened our relationship in ways I could never explain.

SEE ALSO: They're Not Junkies, You're Just Uneducated

Thank you for giving me a stronger bond with our family.

The amount of hurt and disappointment our family has gone through has brought us closer together. I have a relationship with Nanny and Pop that would never be as strong as it is today if you had been in the picture from day one. That in itself is a blessing.

Thank you for showing me how to love.

From your absence, I have learned how to love unconditionally. I want you to know that even though you weren't here, I love you most of all. No matter the amount of heartbreak, tears, and pain I've felt, you will always be my greatest love.

Thank you for making me strong.

Thank you for leaving and for showing me how to be independent. From you, I have learned that I do not need anyone else to prove to me that I am worthy of being loved. From you, I have learned that life is always hard, but you shouldn't give into the things that make you feel good for a short while, but should search for the real happiness in life.

Most of all, thank you for showing me how to turn my hurt into motivation.

I have learned that the cycle of addiction is not something that will continue into my life. You have hurt me more than anyone, but through that hurt, I have pushed myself to become the best version of myself.

Thank you for choosing the addiction over me because you've made me stronger, wiser, and loving than I ever could've been before.

Cover Image Credit: http://crashingintolove.tumblr.com/post/62246881826/pieffysessanta-tumblr-com

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An Open Letter To The Younger Version Of Me

Another lesson that you will learn about yourself is the fact that your political views will not change and you will stick with your values.

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Now that I am almost 22 years old and approaching my senior year of college, I think it is time for me to do some reflecting and answer the age-old question: what I would tell the younger version of myself?

Well, one thing that comes to mind is never apologizing for who you are. You are going to meet people that may not like you for the dumbest reasons and sometimes it can affect, but the one thing that you will learn is that sticks and stones may break my bones. There are negative people in this world that will try to tear you down, but you will become stronger than you are before. You are going to go to places that you never thought you would end up for the semester, maybe Washington, DC. One thing you will learn from being there is that it is a fast-paced city with so many distractions, but that won't stop you at all. You learn to be quick on your feet and you will become the best version of yourself. You will continue to learn to become stronger than ever when people try to tear you down, and one thing that you should do is look at yourself in the mirror and say "you are a bad ass and you are strong." Sometimes you will struggle with your confidence, but the more you grow up and learn more about yourself then you will become more confidence in anything you set your mind too.

Another lesson that you will learn about yourself is the fact that your political views will not change and you will stick with your values.

You will have friends that are supportive, caring and strong just like you are and that was something that affected you when you were growing up. You will be one of the loudest people in the room even if you are not trying to talk really loud haha. Be more appreciative of your family even if they can be a pain in the butt, but they love you and they will be there to support you no matter what. Don't give yourself a hard time when you get a bad test grade, because in four or five years that test score won't matter as much. Be proud of your culture, because being Indian is awesome and it makes you stand out. Don't be embarrassed of your heritage, because that is something you should be proud of even when little kids make fun of you about your culture. Don't be bothered when people say you're "not Indian enough." Instead use that as fuel to lear more about your culture and correct them about the inaccuracies of that statement. Education is such a strong tool to combat anything, but also that statement is not okay. Please let them know that. Be proud of who you are whenever someone makes fun of you just play "Shake It Off" by Taylor Swift and that will be your theme song anywhere you go! You can come off a bit abrasive to some people so just be careful, it's okay, to be honest, but just be careful with how your statements come across because some people are just overly sensitive. You will learn to be a great friend to some of the best people in your life that will be supporting you on the sidelines when you go through good times and bad times. You will be scared when you go off to college and may shed a few tears in this next chapter, but you will realize that you will meet some of the best people ever and that college was on of the best things that ever happened to you, because you will finally get out of Appleton, WI. Even though you may hate being Appleton sometimes because it may seem small sometimes, appreciate where you come from, because it will always be your home no matter what.

My last point that I would tell you is that you will almost survive undergrad and you did a damn good job of it. Continue to be ambitious and be focused on your next goal which is to get into law school, because it has been your dream since you were a kid. Always stay true to yourself and continue to be the best version of yourself!

Love,

Sunitha Doraivelu

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