I guess I still do my best thinking at night. And tonight I am contemplating the fact that I will have to act as a full-time adult in about 7 months. As I discussed this reality with a friend I mentioned that life is lowkey difficult. He then asked me to expound on what lowkey difficult even meant. My answer was:

Life isn't meant to be easy. Life is meant to take risks and to try new things. Go on adventures. However, life is going to be filled with hard things. It'll be difficult, dang near frustrating, and leave you wanting to quit. But it's lowkey because there is hope for so much more.

That was my answer. Not really an answer, more of a motivational speech on how you should go live life and not be so terrified of the next stage in life. As I repeated it to my roommate and considered it deeper I couldn't help but think of the fear of what is next in life, but also the hardship of what is happening now.

Life has been filled with a lot of new experiences. Many of those experiences have been brand new and exciting. There have also been a lot of past situations that simply refuse to work themselves out and leave me struggling to figure out what to do next.

It has been easy to get caught up in the hopes of peace that comes after this season of classes, work, homework, a few hours of sleep, and repeat. When I get to that point I spend my time focused on all of the things that could be, frustrated with all of the disasters that have happened, and things that I'm stuck in presently. I find myself completely discouraged and that has led to this semester to be filled with tears, anxious moments, and thoughts of giving up and hiding in bed.

The hope of what is to come next should not be a place to dwell. It is meant to be a form of motivation to get through the present. And when this hope is used incorrectly that is when you find yourself very discouraged by the few hours in the day and the "to-do list" that will not stop growing.

So, I guess the moral of this thought process (which might be a hodge podge of a ton of different incomplete thoughts) is to just do. Instead of being focused on what could have been or what is to come. Look back at what has been and learn from it. Then look briefly at what may happen and use it to motivate you. Then focus on the present. Work hard and do what you can. Life may feel like it is going to swallow you up (and it honestly might). However, you are a lot more capable and ready than you think.