I’ve always been a planner. I’ve always wanted to know what was coming and how I could handle it. I wanted to know what pitch was being thrown towards my bat. I’ve always looked towards the future. I’ve always looked ahead. However, I’m realizing that I can’t do that anymore.
I can’t control the past. It already happened and I can’t change it. I know that. But what I need to remember is that I can’t control the future either. It’s going to happen the way it’s meant to, whether it’s how I want it to be or not. I have no control over what is coming my way. I have no way of knowing what’s going to happen. But I have the power to control right now. I can control my actions and responses to situations right now. So that’s what I need to focus on.
My biggest reason for always looking towards the future is that I want to know who I’m going to be. I want to be someone I can be proud of. I want to make sure I don’t become a person that I promised myself I would never become. I told a friend of mine this, and their response was spot on to be completely honest. They told me I need to start thinking about who I WANT to be, not who I could become. The best way to make sure that I don’t turn into a person I don’t want to be is to worry about being myself, rather than not becoming a person I don't want to be.
That’s probably some of the best advice I’ve gotten in a long time, because it is so true. At the end of the day, no matter how much I plan, I don’t know who I am going to be in five years, but by focusing on right now, and focusing on who I want to be, I can become a person I will be proud of. It won’t be easy but it will be worth it.
The future is scary, and maybe that’s why I always wanted to control it. But I’ve learned that there’s something even scarier and that’s missing out on the good times that are happening right now because I’m worrying about tomorrow, next week, and the next ten years.
Whatever happens happens. There’s nothing I can do about it. No matter how much I want to know who I will be, I can’t. I just have to focus on being who I want to be right now. I need to become a person I would want my younger self to look up to.
So I’m done planning. I’m done worrying about who I am going to be. I need to start taking things one breath, one step, one day at a time. I need to focus on what needs to be done today, not tomorrow. I need to focus on what I need to do to get it done, not the “how” of it getting done.
So I’m putting one foot in front of the other, and when I look back in a few years, I have a feeling that focusing on right now will be the best decision because my right now? It’s full of some pretty fantastic people and it’s time to make memories with them.