Flying is amazing. Do you think George Washington knew that some day people would be traveling across the country in a few hours in a giant flying tube with wings? I'd say probably not. As absurd as flying is, it's become a normal part of society; and as with all other normal parts of society, everyone finds something to complain about. So this is an ode to the complaints, the stories, and the interesting people I've experienced on all of my different flights through the years.
The journey home begins with Tallahassee International Airport, a gateway to the skies where people ride flying chariots of opportunity to a whole new world of discovery. That should be their slogan, because "A parking lot where people ride a flying bus to Charlotte, Atlanta, or Miami." doesn't have quite the same ring to it. I will give them credit though, they've added a handful of restaurants and I think they are even adding a terminal to go to Cuba in order to earn their "international" status, but that's like if I get a 59.9% in a class and email my professor the night before grades are due in a desperate attempt to pass the class.
The beauty of Tallahassee International Airport (or TIA as I call it) is that on a bad day, the security line takes about 10 minutes if there is a very slow elderly family that has never flown in front of me. If you've ever flown through any other airport then you'll know that is amazing, and I certainly do not take that for granted. In other airports, it's always fun stressfully counting down the minutes till my plane leaves while waiting in a long line for security, so a game I like to play is "Glare at a TSA agent doing nothing". They always act like the line is a surprise, as if they don't know exactly what days and times are busy for flying. It's as if the TSA makes the choice to be ill-prepared for the hordes of people that fly the day before Thanksgiving on purpose. To be fair, it's not all the TSA's fault, it's also the people that are offended and surprised that they have to remove their metal before going through a metal detector. This isn't new, you should have known, and you should feel bad.
After security is the waiting game. Usually I grab some coffee and continue the book I was reading while waiting for my last flight, attempting to remember where I left off. At some point in everyone's flying experience, there will be a delay. Everyone knows that we can't do anything about it, but I think it just gets on everyone's nerves a bit when they don't tell us the reasoning. A delay could be caused by anything from the pilot stubbing their toe to one of the wings falling off, so it's a pretty wide range of possibilities. My favorite part is when people go up to the gate desk and yell about how absurd it is that we aren't on the plane because "It's only a small fire in the engine". Personally, I'd rather have the airline take their time fixing that, I don't know about you. It's not like the people at the desk control the planes; you can ask them to bring another plane over all you want, but that doesn't change the fact that the other planes you're asking for are IN THE DANG SKY. "Ah yes of course sir, I'm the one being inconsiderate. I should just cancel that flight to Dallas because you're more important."
After what seems like days for everyone to board and for the plane to taxi to it's special spot, takeoff finally arrives. This is where you meet the worst people ever. It could be a talkative stranger, yappy dog, a crying baby, a fishbowl in the overhead bin, or a colonial woman churning butter on the wing of the plane, but something is always there to make sure I'm stressed out of my mind. That plus the random turbulence and I would probably lose it if it weren't for the calming voice of the pilot. "We're going through a hurricane so you might feel a few bumps, but just keep your seatbelt fastened and use those small electronic devices to your heart's desire and we'll get there in no time". Hand me my ginger ale and waffle cracker and I'll be all set for the rest of the flight.
And just like the terrifying shuddering of a landing plane, we've reached our destination. The weather in Tallahassee is 153 degrees and it feels like a wet blanket outside; I hope you had a nice flight, and thank you for flying Air Cushman.
