BLASPHEMY.

Have you ever heard of a Californian who hated the sun? A Michigander who hated the Great Lakes? An Alaskan who hated the snow?

But it's true, I was born and raised in Florida and I can't stand going to the beach. Now, believe me, I have tried. I've gone to virtually every beach on the West Coast and I’ve definitely visited the “gems” in Palm Beach and SoFlo. But alas, no beach has ever been able to break the seal and welcome its way into my heart.

I think what bothers me most about the beach is sand.

You get to the entrance and you’re forced to wander until you find a spot to lay out your towel and umbrella all while either burning your bare feet or trudging along in heavy flip flops. Not only is getting there a problem but once you’re there, you are literally encased in sand. Sand gets in your bag, in your food, in your hair, and everywhere in between. Then right when you’re ready to leave the beach, you’re forced to drag all of that sand into the confines of your car. No thank you.

Then we have the water. While many think that the ocean water is one of the beach’s most valued aspects, I simply can’t enjoy it. Half the time in Florida, the water isn’t cool enough to be refreshing after the burning sun drains you and the walk in the sand beats you down. Then once you’re ready to get out of the water and dry off, the salt water leaves a tacky and sticky feeling all over your body. By that point, the only thing I can think about is getting home and showering it all off.

I am a HUGE lover of nature, wildlife, all things environmental. But I truly believe seagulls were put on this planet to antagonize human beings to their maximum level. They squawk and scream while you’re just trying to enjoy yourself and the moment you turn your back, they’re stealing your food. Seagulls are a huge reason I can never find relaxation at the beach.

So come to Florida and visit any number of our gorgeous beaches! I’ll be by my pool dreaming of a world without sand or saltwater.