Over the course of my young life, I've recognized that my friend count is pretty small.
In elementary school, I had a silly group of friends with minimal drama. By middle school, my social life was a little awkward (because, well, I'm awkward). At the same time though, middle school was the peak of my social life and finding a semi-solid group of friends.
My final years of high school, however, is where life started to take an unexpected turn. I went from a friend group of ten to a group of, well, not a lot.
College hasn't been the "best years" of my life. I attribute me transferring universities during my freshman year to me being in the position that I am in today. The transition of being in a small friend group to being just a "floater" has been difficult, but I'm also not complaining.
Once in a while, I feel a little bummed out about my social circle or the lack thereof. There's a reoccurring thought of trying to figure out what's wrong with me, and constant thoughts about whether or not I'm "friend material." I find myself wondering, what about me makes me not a part of a circle of friends? What am I doing wrong?
It can be hard making new friends and building up a relationship.
In this situation, I realize that my pros outweigh my cons.
I like my peace and quiet. I value it. I like coming home from class, unwinding, and enjoying my own company. I like my own space, not being asked questions. I like my me time.
I have different friends to turn to for different reasons; a good laugh, a shoulder to cry on, a confidant, or just a buddy to grab lunch with. The drama is limited. There's no worry about who is beefing with who. I can worry about myself and drop from the scene when things get a little tense. Being a fly on the wall is crucial to my own sanity, as I've learned through past experiences.
For the most part, I can remain low-key. No one has to know my business.
There is nothing wrong with being a "floater" and you're not doing anything wrong. The way you value your friendships differs from others, and that's totally fine. I enjoy being alone while also knowing I have people in my corner for when I really need them.
It can be challenging not having a specific group to see every day. It gets lonely sometimes. But I would rather have six really kind, authentic, and true friendships than have twenty friends who come and go when it's convenient. It's healthy and gratifying.