The concept of time has always been considerably strange to me. I used to play this game with myself and it revolved around the popular saying "in a blink of an eye." The most distinct memory of this game was around when I was in fourth grade. My dad was driving me to school and we were talking about driving, specifically when it comes time for me to start. I sat in the passenger seat thinking that moment wouldn't come for such a long time. I jokingly closed my eyes and told myself when I open them, I'll be sixteen in the drivers seat behind the wheels of my own car. Those seven years flew by and when I was sixteen and behind the wheel, I closed my eyes and envisioned the moment my nine year old self telling herself that when she opened her eyes she could drive. I open my eyes, and there I was.
The game is a bit juvenile but it really made me feel like things happened in a blink of an eye. That seven years were nothing more than the time it took to close and reopen my eyes. Time flies by incredibly quickly, and while I know everyone's aware of this, I can't help but wonder if we really conscious of it. I remember so vividly thinking I was never going to grow up as a child but here I am, writing as someone who is trying to desperately hold on to her last year as a teenager. I think of all the good times I wish I could experience again but how the forward motion of time will never permit such a thing. I also think of all the awful, heart breaking moments that I'm thankful time didn't slow down or stop for. It's constant journey towards the future is so bittersweet to me. I view time almost as this force that walks behind me. It'll never let me walk backwards no matter how much I resist. Even if I stop walking and just sit down it's like this wall that's moving forward, compelling me to as well. I can't say such an aware to how fleeting time is is always good or always bad. Sometimes it makes me anxious that I can't forcibly keep things the way they are, especially when I find them perfect at the moment. Other times I'm glad time is moving me forward to help leave darker moments behind; this very motion is what turns moments into memories. This awareness made me realize that whether we want to or not, we're constantly moving forward.
I still play that game with myself. From little moments like sitting behind the wheel and closing my eyes, telling myself that when I open them I'll be at my destination to bigger feats like opening them to Christmas that's still months away, I'll never forget that time is fleeting; kind of like something you try to grasp but the minute you think you do, it slips away.
