How To Fix Your Sleep Schedule, Starting Tonight

A lot of the motivational stuff I come across online is very, very goal-oriented. Now, there's nothing wrong with that! It's important to have objectives that direct your actions throughout the day. From a purely organizational standpoint, it's almost essential. However, not every person can get excited over big goals as soon as they wake up. Sometimes it's so much more appealing to stay in bed and not do anything.

For those people, here's a list of five practical thoughts that will give you more incentive to escape your blanket cocoon:

1. "I Want Breakfast."

Hunger is such a primal force. If unchecked, it can quickly become overpowering, and there reaches a point where we're no longer responsible for our actions because of how hungry we are. Desperation crowds out any manner of logic or sense until we can think of nothing but our need for food. Unbridled grumpiness drives every move we make. Many people in the current age have aptly named this state "Hanger."

Being as powerful as it is, hunger is a great way to motivate yourself into getting out of bed. Maybe you're not in the mood to make a grand breakfast that will inspire the envy of master chefs all around the world; that's fine. Even something as simple as trudging into the pantry to grab a protein bar is better than nothing.

2. "Hey, UTIs Exist."

Maybe you've forgotten, but I have not.

Maybe you've been lucky enough to never feel the dreaded burn of a bladder infection, but I have not.

If there's anything that motivates me to get out of bed in the morning, it's the urge to do my morning business. This isn't just because the sensation of holding it in is nearly excruciating, but also because I'm very aware of the fact that if I hold it in too long, I'm susceptible to developing a UTI. I have too many bad memories to even glance down that road again. Cranberry juice is too awful and bitter to stomach.

So even if you can hold it, for the sake of your body and well-being, please don't.

3. "People Can Die From Dehydration."

OK, this one is a little extreme, and perhaps it's not entirely realistic to think that not drinking any water for one day is going to kill you. It normally takes some pretty harsh conditions for someone to become severely dehydrated, especially in this modern day when a lot of people can get water directly out of their fridge door, but the point still stands! If you're not getting out of bed to drink water, you're not going to be feeling very good. Even mild dehydration can still cause things like dizziness and headaches, so I think it's worth it to crawl out of bed for some water (and probably a snack to go with it).

4. "My Family Is Probably Judging Me So Hard Right Now."

The word family may also be replaced with other key terms, such as roommate, significant other, friend, coworker, or spectral project who hangs around but doesn't pay rent.

Regardless of who you may be sharing your space with, it wouldn't be a stretch to say that they've judged your ability to get up and start your day. Maybe they haven't said anything, and maybe they don't even mean to do it, but humans are extremely judgmental creatures. We make assumptions and we like to think that we know better than anyone else, so if we see someone doing something that we wouldn't do, our brains tend to give us a bit of a superiority complex. At least that's what I've gathered off of living with an early riser for a mother.

How do you take this and turn it into motivation? Through spite, of course!

Think of the person who's most likely to judge you at that moment, then stand up and say, "You know what? Screw you! I will get out of bed today!"

Nine times out of 10 this will give you just enough energy to make it to the kitchen.

5. "OK, I Smell Like Ass."

Let's face it: sleeping is not a glamorous act. No one falls into a bed of crisp, clean, white sheets every night and wakes up just as fresh as when they lay down. People are... gross. They sweat, they drool, and they toss and turn. They generally make messes of themselves all night long. By the time morning comes around, you're usually ripe and ready for a shower.

For some people (and I don't understand this at all), being greasy and disgusting isn't so much of a bother. I'm here to tell those people that even if they can't smell themselves, everyone around them can and they need to recognize just how badly they need to get up and get clean. Not only will society thank them, but they'll also feel a lot better once all the layers of filth have been scrubbed off (it's honestly just better for everyone).

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