We are all painfully aware of the social stigma surrounding mental illness in the U.S., but the most important thing when it comes to mental wellness is to acknowledge that there is absolutely nothing wrong with seeking out help where it is needed. So yes, I am willing to admit that I talk to a therapist once a week, and I am not ashamed of that fact. The less we are willing to talk about mental health and wellness, the more the stigma grows. I'm here to shed some light on a few of the valuable things I've learned from therapy, in the hopes that they can help others and maybe encourage some who are struggling to seek out the help they need, the help they deserve.
1. Celebrate your successes, no matter how small or insignificant they may seem.
Some days it's difficult to even find the motivation to get out of bed, or take a shower, or make your bed, or write that paper that was technically due a week ago. So when you do find the strength and courage to do these things, be proud of yourself. Yesterday I made my bed for the first time in over a week. Sure, it doesn't mean I all the sudden have my life together and am a perfect human being. But what it does mean is that I'm trying. I'm taking small steps towards being the best me I can be, which starts with being kind to myself and proud of my accomplishments.
2. Focus on your abilities, not your shortcomings.
It's really easy to get caught up in your own head, in your own negative thoughts. To tell yourself you're not good enough, will never be good enough, so what's even the point in trying. I'm here to tell you that these negative thoughts in your mind are nothing but lies. You are enough, in fact you are more than enough. You are worthy of so much love and joy and kindness, and you owe it to yourself to be kind to yourself. Rather than focusing on some mistake you made and beating yourself up about it, try instead to focus on the parts of yourself that you value, that others value in you, or that you want to build. What is it that your friends and family like about you? Your sense of humor? Your devious smile? Your creativity? Your capacity to empathize with those around you? Acknowledge these parts of yourself, and show them off to the world. Recognize that you're not perfect, because to be human is to be imperfect, but be proud of who you are.
3. Evaluate your behavior to ensure that it is healthy and helpful.
When you have five assignments due tomorrow, two meetings to attend tonight, and an ill relative to worry about, it can be really tempting to turn towards ways of coping with the stress that may not be the healthiest. Sure, having a few beers to forget about your problems for awhile might be fun, but it is important to realize that the next morning when you wake up late for class and hungover, the same problems you had the night before are still there. So instead of trying to escape the problems or stressors in your life in the hopes that they will just disappear, a more helpful behavior would be to take those five assignments and work on them each, one at a time. It may not exactly be fun, but you will feel so much better after getting your homework done than you will after a night of drinking followed by a day of missing classes due to a hangover.
4. Try not to dwell on "the small stuff."
You have a five-page paper due three hours from now and you only have one paragraph done. You're feeling a bit panicked and overwhelmed. You're afraid your paper won't be good enough, won't be perfect. But sit there and think to yourself, will this paper matter as much a year from now as it does right now? Will it be of great significance in your life five years from now? More likely than not, the answer to this is no. So try to remember that if you get a C on that paper, it'll still be okay.
5. Some things are just out of your control.
Let's say that one day you're walking down the street, trip on the sidewalk and break your leg. You could get mad at yourself for tripping and falling, and stay angry at yourself for the next eight weeks as your leg heals. Or you could try to realize that no, it is not your fault you broke your leg, it is just something that happened to you. And much like a broken leg, your mental illness does not define you. Much like a broken leg, your mental illness has the capacity to be healed. It is not a quick or easy process, but it is worth the effort because you are worth the effort. You deserve the happiness you so desperately want. The peace of mind, the calmness that you've been trying to find amid the white noise of your worried thoughts. You deserve to be happy, and no matter how scary it may seem, you need to seek out that happiness. If that starts with seeking out help for a mental illness, power to you! If it simply starts with changing your outlook a little or thinking more positively, then that's great too. Just never be afraid to be the person you are, or to admit that you're not perfect. If you were perfect then you wouldn't be you.
