Divorce; noun. 1. The legal dissolution of a marriage. 2. A separation of things that were once connected or associated.
One half of the population is apart of a divorce. At least that is the statistic in a poll I took of my circle of friends' parents. Out of the six of us three have divorced parents; two of them experienced it before I met them, but my parents are the most recent.
On May 14th 2015, I called my mom in a frenzy. I knew something was wrong. I had had a suspicion for weeks now and tonight, less than twenty-four hours before I graduated high school, I made them tell me. I was laying in my mom's lap and my dad was holding my feet when my entire world collapsed. Two days later I was moved in with best friend in our "first house" and two months after that I was off to college. The divorce was finalized at the end of the following August and I have learned a lot about myself and life in general over the past year.
First off, no matter what anyone says you cannot do this alone; support systems are key. My support system was out of this world. They still are. When word got out, it took seconds before friends and family were offering couches to sleep on and shoulders to cry on. Also, the restaurant I worked at has some of the most compassionate and understanding staff, owners and customers. I took a month off after I learned the news, but when I was ready to come back they accepted me with open arms and plenty of hours. When I moved to Tusculum, the support did nothing but grow. My housemates, especially my roommate, offered laughs, distractions and comfort when the pain was just too much to bare. (Thank You!!)
Next thing I learned, children of divorce, no matter the age, love differently. The first relationship we get into after the divorce, or even a current one, can faces challenges. We worry more, about everything. Our insecurities increase, because the love that is supposed to be an example, just fell apart. Our partner could be as faithful as Joseph when he found out Mary was pregnant, but we would still find things to be jealous of, to worry about. It makes it harder for us to give trust, especially, if the divorce was a nasty one. We can either go one of two ways: 1. we must be with someone at all times and will even stay in toxic situations to avoid being alone or 2. we avoid commitment, to avoid having to feel the feeling of being left, again. You will have to have loads of patience and an understanding heart to love and be loved by a child of divorce.
One of the harder things I learned, divorce brings out the child in parents. It brings out the immature, selfish, whiney side that adults hide for the sake of their kids. (Warning: This is only true in some cases, but it does happen more often than not.) I got smacked in the face with this life lesson when I started seeing less and less of one parent and the other one let go of their strict demeanor. For the sake of my parents I will not be elaborating on this one. However I will say this: YOUR KIDS, NO MATTER WHAT AGE, LOCATION, OR CIRCUMSTANCE, ALWAYS COME FIRST!
Another thing is holidays become different. Luckily for my sister and I, our families have always done holidays separately, so it was not much of a change. However, the knives had to be sharpened to cut the tension when past holidays or memories were brought up. The idea of having two of everything, sounds marvelous... Until you see the look on your dad's face when you have to tell him that your mom already got you one. Time heals, so soon enough we'll master it.
Lastly and most importantly, I learned that you should never hide your feelings. You should speak your mind and understand that you do not have to live a life you are not happy with. Do not wait. Do not hesitate. You can wait a month, someone will still be hurt. You can wait eight months, someone will still be hurt. You can wait twenty-two years, someone will still be hurt. Time does not heal if you know for a fact that it is not what you want. BUT. If something makes you happy? Do it. Say it. Be it. Do not wait. Do not hesitate.
This year has been one of the hardest years of my life. I have grown up, been a baby, experienced things no one and every one should experience. Change has been a non-stop occurrence, but it can only get better from here.
