Losing someone you love can be a horrible experience to go through, especially if it's your first loss you have to endure.The first year being without that person really shapes who you'll become later in life; and how you will deal problems that arise.
My personal experience comes with losing my grandfather unexpectedly. In May of 2015, my mother walked into my room to wake me up in the morning. She sat down on my bed and told me something I'd never thought I'd hear.
"Sydney, grandpa didn't wake up this morning."
She then explained to me that he hadn't woken up to his alarm, and that my grandmother thought that he just overslept, but when she tried to wake him she soon figured out something was very very wrong. The final conclusion was that my grandfather had a heart attack in his sleep very early that morning. This end result became a complete shock to me and questions soon began to flood my head:
How could someone I just saw three days prior be gone forever? Out of everyone in the world, why was he the one who had to leave? Why didn't I spend more time with him? Why didn't I try and hold longer conversations with him? How could we have prevented this?
The questions kept multiplying to the extent where I was just furious with myself and others. I graduated high school two weeks later; but I felt like zombie. How could the happiest, funniest, brightest person in our family be the first to go? The questions continued to linger in my head.
Out of everyone in my immediate family I saw my grandfather on a Sunday, while everyone else got to see him on the Tuesday before he passed. I was in a horrible mood on Sunday and I took it out on him. He continually tried to talk to me and I just walked away having my last words to him be: "shut up you're annoying me." No one ever thinks about their last words to someone, but if I could go back, I would sit with him and talk for however long he wanted that day.
Looking back on this year has helped me grow into a much stronger person. This year I've gone through many many emotions: anger, sadness, denial and plenty more; I wouldn't change a thing. My grandfather loved me no matter what and I'm extremely lucky to have had someone like him in my life. I believe my grandfathers final lesson to me was to teach me how to grow up and become who I'm supposed to be. He had a plan for me all along and I'm slowly figuring it out.
What people should take away from my experience is two things: always treat people like it's your last time seeing them, and to appreciate your family no matter how you're feeling that day. You never know when you'll lose someone and when it does happen it'll be a tough year, but you'll get through it.
