So obviously for those of you who know me personally, you know I am Afro-Latina. My father is 100% African American and my mother is 100% Honduran. My father was born in Boston, MA and my mother was born in La Ceiba, Honduras. My father's side of the family speaks English and my mom's side of the family speaks English and Spanish, though I was not taught to speak Spanish fluently because my mother stopped speaking it at a young age in order for her to learn English.
Coming from a family of strong, independent women, my grandmother, mother, and aunts have always taught me to embrace being a Black woman, especially a dark skinned woman. However, that hasn’t always been the case for me. As a young Black girl, I wanted to be comfortable in my own skin and I was not. For most of my life, I have had my ethnicity questioned because of my physical appearance. People never questioned me being Black, but I was always questioned about whether or not I was Latina because I didn’t look like your average Hispanic girl (Duh, I wasn't clearly). I would always get asked questions like “Do you speak Spanish?” or people would make comments such as “You don’t look Hispanic.” or even “You talk like a white girl.” As a child, I didn't feel secure in owning my Hispanic background because I was constantly belittled because I wasn't light skinned and I didn't speak the language. I always felt like I had something else to prove to people. When people would ask me the question, “What’s your race? What’s your ethnicity?” I found myself just telling them that I was Black or African American because I didn’t think that they would believe me if I said that I was also Latina or Honduran. I found myself always comparing my skin to the skin of girls lighter than me and as a child, it was really confusing. I started to question my racial identity and it made me a little insecure because I didn't have long hair, light skin, etc. It has always bothered me that people identified me being Honduran by whether or not I could speak Spanish fluently or by my physical appearance, as if those were the only traits that tied someone to their ethnicity, race, and culture. And though this isn't a struggle for me anymore, til this day it's something that still pisses me off.
Being of a dark complexion was something I struggled with as I was growing up. For the majority of my middle school years, I was the only girl in my class with dark features. My middle school days were the first time I became aware of racial difference. Aside from the fact that I was already aware that I didn't look Latina, I became aware of the fact that other kids were teasing me simply because I was dark skinned. Other kids would call me names such as Gorilla, Midnight, Monkey, Darkness, and Charcoal. I was insecure about the way that I looked and I believed that there was something wrong with me because of the way that I was treated by my peers. In middle school when I had crushes on boys, they would tell me that I was ugly and too dark for them. As a young girl, that rejection affected me immensely. I wore long clothing that would cover my skin because I didn’t want people to denigrate me. I thought it would make me feel better, but unfortunately, altering my attire didn’t help. It just made me feel worse. I would constantly wish that I was a lighter skin complexion. I questioned myself, I questioned my life, and I questioned why God gave me dark skin.
These self-defeating thoughts continued until one critical film changed my life literally forever. During my sophomore year of high school, I watched the Oprah Winfrey produced documentary, Dark Girls. Dark Girls is a film that documents and discusses the issues that women of a dark complexion face. The women in the film talked about their personal experiences and how they finally learned to love themselves. When I tell y'all this film changed my life, I'm not exaggerating. Seeing Dark Girls was the light at the end of my tunnel because it was what I needed in order for me to get my shit together and actually love the skin I'm in. It brought back so many familiar negative emotions, but also gave me the strength to deal with them. I am who I am today because of this film. I was able to realize the true value of my skin and myself and I was able to let go of all the hurt and anger I had experienced during my childhood. Looking back on it now, I don't regret any of the experiences I went through during my childhood because it made me the person I am today and that's something I'd never change. I would never want to change my skin complexion because being dark skinned is a blessing and I wish I had known that as a child.
"You're pretty for a dark skinned girl." is not a compliment and it's highly offending. Why do I have to be pretty for a dark skinned girl? Why can't I just be pretty? "Compliments" like that are said because dark skinned women are not valued because in society, dark skin is seen as something that is ugly and disgusting. Let's use Kodak Black for example. Homeboy said he doesn't date dark skinned women because they're 'too gutter' and light skinned women are more sensitive. There are so many things wrongs with that, but the sad thing is, a lot of men think that way and if you're one of them, #1 I feel very sorry for you and any woman you pursue, #2 stay far away from me and #3 you need to do some major self reevaluation. If I had a dollar for every time a white person asked me to touch my hair, I would be rich like no, bro, you can't, I am not an animal in a cage that you pet. Natural hair is seen as something unique and “cool” like an accessory, rather than it a part of our culture and literally a part of our bodies, and honestly I'm really over it because I am not some foreign creature that you can just touch when you feel like it. In society, Black women are constantly being bashed for something. We're always told that we have too much anger, too much attitude, we're crazy, we're constantly bashed for our body shapes, we're told we don't smile enough (if I don't want to smile, I'm not going to fucking smile), we're told that we're too outspoken, we're told that we're too loud, we're told that we're ghetto and ratchet..and the list goes on. So when Black women carry these 'traits', it's not cute, but when Hispanic women carry them, it's a turn on. FOH like that's corny asf to me that people actually think this way and I understand that it's mostly what is portrayed in the media, however, we are all old enough to educate ourselves so these ignorant mentalities are broken for future generations.
Black women are beautiful. Black Girl Magic is real. We are everything. No matter how much we are continuously disrespected, we continue to be on top and create the path we want for our community. Not only am I proud to be a Black woman, but I am proud to be a dark skinned Black woman and if I have a daughter someday, she will know her worth and know how beautiful her skin is.
