About two weeks ago I experienced hands down one of the most terrifying things known to man. "Go to Halloween horror nights" they said. "It'll be fun" they said. NO, it was not fun! Whoever these "they" people are, they gotta go to jail for perjury.
On what planet, what nebula, is it considered fun to have piss running down your leg and questioning whether that's shit in your pants or you have really heavy underwear whilst also being chased by some masked psycho with a knife? Never in my book was it written that horror is equivalent to a good time. Halloween Horror Nights is literally a nightmare from the first step you take in. One of the worst parts of Halloween Horror Nights, without a doubt, had to be the “scare zones”. These zones are where any ghoul or fiend can just run up behind you and make their best attempt to make you defecate in the only shorts you had bought with you. Some will sneak up behind you and give you a heavy whisper in your neck. Sometimes, if you’re lucky, they’ll just scream in your ear and make you just want death more than anything else, but only if you’re lucky. I must reiterate, I really can’t fathom how people pay money to be scared in such a hands on manner. I am truly baffled by the fact that people go multiple times a year and some even go multiple times a week, FOR FUN.
The only part I can really say I enjoyed that entire night was completely isolated from the horror around it. Throughout the day they have this live action comedy that uses all current events and internet memes as satire material for the show. The array of comedy spanned from Hillary Clinton pouring hot sauce on her chest for votes to the appearance of the puppy monkey baby masked woman. It’s safe to say the show was a complete abomination, but in spite of that I can confidently say that it was the perfect combination of funny and horrendous. Final verdict, Halloween Horror Nights should be reserved for the clinically insane, and the only good part about it to me was the live show. On another note for safety purposes, for all those who choose to partake in the Halloween Horror Nights keep in mind that the actors who play the roles of the ghouls and goblins in the scare zones are not allowed to touch you. This was something that I hadn’t known which made HHN that much worse for me to actually attempt. I thought people could snatch you and grab you and such, so just in case you had that uneasiness about HHN you can put those to rest. If they do touch you, you are actually entitled to sue the park where the incident occurred. Just a heads up for all new comers, I wish you all good luck.
