I got a tattoo because I’m indecisive and live in a constant state of fear.

Well, maybe “a constant state of fear” is a little dramatic, but I’m sure you get the point.

I’ve wanted a tattoo since I was 14, before it was legally possible for me to walk into a place and get one. I always thought on my 18^th birthday that I would be getting one, but then that day came, and I was still doing the same thing every other year. I compiled SO MANY ideas for tattoos in the Notes app of my phone that were never brought into real life.

A few days ago, I finally decided to say f*ck it and get one. So, today I got my first tattoo. I didn’t make an appointment because the place I went to took walk-ins and the tattoo I wanted wasn’t abstract or fancy (it simply says “it’s all good” on my ankle).

As I was signing my life away, I got feelings of excitement and nervousness which I’m sure everyone with a tattoo felt when they got their first one. The pain while getting the tattoo was surprisingly little. I didn’t know what to expect so I either thought I was going to have to call it quits or not feel anything at all.

Now, I got this tattoo because I wanted to have a constant reminder that even though this will be on my body forever, nothing is really ever permanent, and life goes by WAY too fast to constantly be overthinking every single decision. I am a self-proclaimed professional overthinker. I’m a pretty quiet person, but my mind races 150 miles a minute, mostly with irrational fears. It might be silly but, part of the reason why I wanted to get this tattoo was to prove to myself that it IS possible for me to make decisions and if 20 years down the road if I hate the thing then it’s ok because it was what I wanted in this moment.

It’s a permanent reminder that I am capable of not always being so indecisive and scared of what the outcome of a choice might bring me, because the truth is we can never know for sure.

A lot of overthinking has to do with fear of the unknown because we want to control or at least know the outcome in any situation to make ourselves feel more comfortable with living in the moment. With all of the violence going on in the world, a lot of us have become more fearful about what might happen next. When I started paying more attention to what was happening, it only made me fear for my life and for those around me.

Getting a tattoo won’t solve all of my irrational fears, but it is a small step and reminder that I am capable of overcoming the fear of making a long-lasting decision because sometimes you just have to go for it and hope for the best, and that goes with a lot of things in life. I know that after today I will (or at least try to) be less worried about what can happen, and trust in my decision making.

Every choice that you’ve ever made in your life has led you up to this moment, and if you feel alright and happy, then it's all good.

Artist: Thank you to Dan from About Time Tattoo, Nashua!