My first spray tan was an enlightening experience from which I am still enduring the consequences. If Kim Kardashian could rock the tanned look, why couldn’t I? I wanted to strut the streets with a glowing complexion, hit the gym with a rocking summer bronze, roll into the library with the white pages of my textbooks no longer blending into my skin so pale it’s basically clear.
Lesson learned.
1. Take friends with you and hope they f**k themselves up more than you.
I don’t know what I’d do if my two friends didn’t end up joining in on the spraying extravaganza. If you’re gonna loop like an oompa loompa, make sure to look like one with a couple of people. That way you won’t look like the only shitfaced clown at school.
2. Don’t hit up a janky salon just to get a free first-time spray.
Don’t get me wrong, I did my research on spray tanning salons. I’d heard way too many horror stories from friends not to. But I ended up picking the best one with the best price (aka pretty average) and ended up in a sketch place in the outskirts of Durham. PSA: don’t ask the employees any questions that you can look up. They will roll their goddamn eyes at you and pretend like you’re a mute caterpillar.
3. Don’t be cheap about that $7 primer. Just get it.
Honestly, if you’re going to go through the trouble of actually going to a tanning salon, go all in or get the hell out.
4. Be sure to actually turn when you’re supposed to in the booth.
Before you walk into the tanning booth, an employee will (at least should) direct you on how to position yourself and turn once inside. Thanks to my crap memory and my distracted mind laughing at myself, I got sprayed double times from one angle. Rookie mistake.
5. Don’t stick your face into the faucet two hours into your tan.
Now everyone, I’m not that stupid. But my friend apparently is. Shout out to her for testing out the endurance of her tan! She ended up with streaks down her now-orange face. No worries, though. She looked slightly less like the Cheshire cat a day later, which leads me to my next point...
6. Buy extra foundation in case your face ends up looking like your grandmother’s patched quilt.
While most of my body may have come out fine, my face was another story (maybe because I tried wiping my face right after I walked out to see if the tan would actually come off...it did).
7. Think up a story, think it up quick.
I’m not going to over exaggerate this. A lot of people didn’t even notice my new look. Some just thought I dyed my hair or my shirt just boldly contrasted with my skin tone. I ended up telling most people that the one day Durham, North Carolina, experienced sun this week (at no more than 70 degrees) I had baked like a 5-year-old’s over-done sugar cookies.
To sum this all up: would I ever go again? Yes, probably.
