I rode a motorcycle for the first time this past week. To a lot of people this might not sound like a big deal. People ride motorcycles all the time. It’s a widely accepted mode of transportation and lots of people do it. But this ride was a little bit different.
My father-in-law rides motorcycles. He enjoys working on them and racing them throughout the year. From what I hear, he’s pretty good at it. I have been going out with his son for just about eight years. He didn’t offer right away, but a handful of years into the relationship, he did ask if I would want to learn how to ride a motorcycle, or just simply go for a ride. Every time, I either made a noncommittal noise that suggested learning how or going for a ride wasn’t at the top of my to-do list or just flat out said, “No, thank you.”
What’s stopped me in the past has been my awareness of a lack of protection around me if I were on a motorcycle. You can’t get comfortable on a motorcycle the way you can get comfortable on long car rides. And I like getting comfortable on long car rides. I was also afraid of crashing and being thrown from the motorcycle. Don’t get me wrong, this is not a comment on my father-in-law’s control of his motorcycle. But there’s no seatbelt keeping me in my seat. Those Driver’s Ed short films and stories about people who didn’t have a seatbelt and got in a car accident really got to me-- so much so that I can’t not remember them, even if I try to forget.
In short, I was a little bit scared and more than a little concerned.
The night before my wedding, we had gotten together at my in-law’s house with all of our grandparents for the rehearsal dinner. It was a good night, running through how we would walk up and down the aisle, who would walk with who, who would say and hold what. It was generally a night of reconnecting with my family and the family I’ve been getting to know for the past several years. Towards the end of the night, some people started leaving to go get rested up for the Big Day. My best friend from high school was still there and started asking about the motorcycles which of course my father-in-law was more than happy to show and talk about. And then he offered to let her ride (while he was driving). So she jumped on the back of the motorcycle and they sped away down the street. When they returned, she had the biggest smile on her face.
And then it was my turn.
I could have said, “No, thank you” or made a strange non-committal noise to get me out of it once again, but this time I said, “Sure. Okay.” More consent that I’ve given to a motorcycle ride… ever.
On the cusp of a life-changing day-- I day where I wouldn’t just gain a husband, but I would gain an entire family to go with the one I already had-- I hopped on the back of my father-in-law’s motorcycle and we took off into the night for just a short spin around the neighborhood.
It was a strange experience. I didn’t feel like I was actually a part of the experience, but watching a movie of it. When we went around bends in the road, I’d lean where the motorcycle was leaning and hold on to my father-in-law’s shoulders with what I perceived as a death grip. It was like I was watching a movie with this experience, so I didn’t feel very afraid after a while. But I still didn’t want to let go. My father-in-law was very conscious of my fears and made sure to keep those in mind and also check in with me while he was driving so that I would feel safe and comfortable.
I think riding a motorcycle for the first time brought me a little bit closer to my father-in-law. We’re interested in very different things that at times it has felt like we didn’t have a lot to talk about. Having this experience helped me understand, at least a little bit, something that is a very important part of his life. Marrying someone brings you into their family as much as it brings them into yours. Their triumphs and tragedies are my own, their family members are my own. I am very lucky to have two dads who care very much for me and for my husband. And I know this very well, especially now, all because of a ride on a motorcycle.
