A Higher Power
Elizabeth Castillo once said, "We cross paths with certain people in our tangled lives for a reason. It's not by chance, not an accident but it's on a purpose. You were made to be part of someone's life for it was written long before you were born."
It gives me great comfort to know that the people in my life have been predetermined by a higher power and placed in my life for a greater purpose. There is so much meaning to those we cross paths with--these people hold new lessons that will continue to help us, hurt us, and most importantly, teach us.
I have always been enamored by people. Since I was young, I would observe. My big, brown eyes would take up most of my face and I would study those around me. Adults thought I was just pensive, but what I was really doing was learning through others. I love asking questions to understand the deeper story. Not everything is what meets the eye. That is the beauty of life. We all are going through our own unique journeys, and eventually, we intertwine and our stories coil together.
I have always been "the calm" to many other people's hectic lives. All of the students in my classes would want to be my friend, or so my parents say. However, what I learned in the 20+ years of being the calm for others, is that I was creating a storm within myself. To care for oneself is not selfish nor cruel, but imperative to lead a healthy life. This is not something I easily grasp the concept of.
I have always wanted a fire to set my soul free. To live unapologetically, laugh without concern, and love without conditions. That is what my heart so badly craves.
I often consider myself very connected to water. I would immediately feel calm and serene while looking out into the water. To this day, it still calms me. However, I now think I have self-discovered why this connection feels so authentic. I am like the ocean; There is so much about me that many have yet to discover, yet I still feel like home to everyone. I have a way of making those around me feel better. It is my greatest strength as it has allowed me to build lifelong connections and memories with people. To be vulnerable with someone is my greatest form of love. I show my love by showing who I am. To love someone is to know someone. To accept the good and the bad. Romantic, friendship, or familial, I place my focus on seeing someone's soul from the inside out. I don't see color, body, build, or materialism. When I look at others, I see them for who they are at heart...or so I try. I seek to find the good in others. I guess I also see the bad, which makes me feel like I want to fix them (yes-that is not a realistic plan). I would love for someone to see the same in me. I often am mistaken for a subtle, stoic shell of a person. Yet, I am so much more than that.
I am not for everyone. I am emotional, serious, and heavy at heart. But I am also funny, kind, and beautiful. My soul's purpose is to find my own while sharing my beauty with this world. I am okay with who I am, the scars I have, and the mistakes I have made. My goal moving forward is to have confidence in my choices, share my magnetic energy with those who need it, and stay close to those that feel like home.
"You don't have to say anything to be a "light." Sometimes a fire built on a hill will bring interested people to your campfire."
― Shannon L. Alder
Since my journey in this life is on borrowed time, I want to spend my remaining time free, full and focused on the good. Find the fire to my rain in every aspect of life. I want to laugh, cry and think. To be challenged to become better and question what comes my way until it radiates peace in my soul.
-Michelle
