Around age 5 girls start to dream of their fairytale wedding- a horse and a carriage, a big white dress, the "Ken" of their Barbie doll collection standing at the alter, and her daddy giving her away. It's so simple at that age. We don't see the planning, the money, or the failed relationships before we find our, "one." Wouldn't life be so much easier if it could stay that way?

We always dream of spending our lives with someone. We always want to find someone as quick as possible. We see our parents' happy marriages and we envy them, we want that. We always have. Unfortunately, some of us want it too much, and we yearn for those relationships, which is how we always find ourselves in the wrong ones. God gives us all the signs. We ignore them. We just want to believe that this is the last time and this is actually the one when God is clearly telling you, "it's not him."

Eventually, I got so tired of being is all the wrong relationships that I just kind of gave up on finding, "the one." I created this timeline for myself, a very detailed life plan, but none of it was working out the way I wanted it to. It was really hard for me to watch my friends start getting engaged and having children while I feel like I'm making no progression in my life. Why am I not moving forward? Why are you holding me back? Why won't you send me someone? Why won't you just let me live the life I want?

Then it hit me- I was so focused on my plan and making sure I got what I wanted, that I completely ignored God and the plan He has created for my life. I realized that the only timeline I'm on, is His.

So, like many of you, i had a real come to Jesus moment. Boo-hoo-ing, singing worship songs in the car, snot dripping out of my nose- yeah, don't pretend you haven't had those moments, I know you have- I said, "take my life, it's Yours, build me, shape me, mold me in to whoever and whatever you want me to be. I trust you. I trust your plan. When I'm ready, I know you will send me whoever you have made specifically for me."

It wasn't magic. There was no "abrakadabra" *cloud of smoke* "here he is!"

It was growing more in the word of God and remaining patient. It was even more relationships where I learned who I was and how to know what I want. It was being alone. It was tearing myself down to build myself back up. It was unlearning toxic behaviors and mending the holes in my heart from times where I was just hurting.

God hadn't sent me, "the one" because I wasn't ready yet. I had things in my life that I had to fix. I couldn't put my pain on someone else, I couldn't constantly take it out on them. I had to learn how to trust, how to love myself, and how to love others properly.

I don't know the plan God has for me yet- but I will patiently wait until I know for sure.

But in the mean time, I know God sent me Sean. A man who respects me (something that is quite new to me.) A man who makes me laugh even when I don't feel like it. A man who tells me he misses me during the day and thinks of me all the time. A man who sings embarassingly loud and proud in the car. A man who takes me to a Christian restaurant because he knows about my love for Jesus (plus, they had really good quesadillas!!!) & a man that is driven, who has goals for his life and works hard to achieve them. He makes me so genuinely, unapologetically happy. Did I mention he was funny??

I'm not going to ask myself if he's the one, yet. If he is, it would be everything I could have ever dreamed of. If he's not, God is teaching me a valuable lesson- he is showing me how a man should treat me.

I know it's hard, but trust God's timing and trust God's plan. Pray for your, "one." God will send him to you one day and it will be worth the wait.