I recently graduated college so according to society, I am ready to be a part of the work force. This year has been a year of growth for me. Not just because I finished school but because I took on a lot of different responsibilities along the way. Anyway, after a friend recently indirectly posted a nasty remark about my situation, it made me reevaluate certain aspects of my friendship and life.
The last four years I have had the privilege of being a full-time student. I didn’t have to worry about anything else other than that because my parents and I agreed that this is what I would be doing. It could have been the same for my siblings had they taken that offer from our parents, but they went on different routes in life and they ended up not attending college. I honestly believe that college isn’t for everyone, as well as trade school because I have finished both. I hated beauty school and I think there are thousands of other jobs I can do in other industries. I did meet nice people but I knew for a fact that I would end up finishing college. However, I understand many people have not had the luxury of figuring that out.
Personally I know that given any situation, it's a fact that I am an overachiever, so it doesn’t matter where you put me. I’ve hated a lot of things in life that I have done really well in. To me, it is just about getting things done and that is what I am all about -- which sets me apart from other people. Growing up with two older brothers that also made me highly competitive; I work really hard at everything that I do and I don’t care how many things are said about being in college, that sh*t is hard work. No, I am not serving drinks and dealing with jerks for rent money but I am also not given any life of luxury. My parents don’t pay for lavish vacations but even if they did, that does not discredit the hard work that I put into setting up a great future for myself. My dual degree was not handed to me-- it was earned.
I’ve had the habit of discrediting the work that I do because that is the kind of mentality that I have always had. It is something that I talk about in therapy a lot--I never let myself enjoy anything or give myself proper credit. However, I've realized that the work I have done has been challenging and that I put in tremendous effort. Due to me being so anxious all the time I just take a deep breath and tell myself to move on to the next task when something is over. I do this not only for sanity but also because I feel like no one will value the work I do anyway because I am in a position that allows me the time to do it, so it pretty much should be perfect, right? Well the simple answer is no, because if we all had the free time we would find that we wouldn’t be one hundred percent all the time anyway because that is the learning process.
If you were acing everything all the time, where is the real learning happening? Either way, I recently talked to someone wiser who also experienced the same things at this age. What I found was that people are definitely envious, especially when they see you work so hard to improve yourself. I've also I felt like I allowed that to happen with my attitude. I end up diminishing my own work because my grades are not given to me in dollars and people may actually have a conception that I’ve had it “easy.” I hate that word in general. Literally nothing is easy aside from a summer breeze and a mixed drink next to a beach.
But even getting there is not easy.
People don’t understand what my family has had to go through to get to this point. I come from a simple immigrant family whose end goal was exactly this, raising children and putting them through college. This is what they worked for and this is what they got-- at least partially. Despite all the disagreements I have with my family I understand this and I have worked hard because I knew that it was going to benefit everyone at the end of the day. People don’t understand the internal struggle a lot of immigrant families go through, especially because when you are working class, your income is still a month to month deal. There is nothing laying around waiting for you when last month’s pay check is over, which is why our families tend to emphasize education so much because finding a way to move up from these paycheck to paycheck jobs is the main goal.
In simple terms, there is no residual income.
This friend of mine has the bad habit of comparing herself so harshly to others. After knowing someone for so long and constantly being their cheerleader and seeing the potential they have, I thought I was immune. I really truly believed that. I thought we didn’t need that because we deal with bullsh*t like that from other people who are not on our team and so we are here to lift each other up; that to me is the meaning of a quality friendship.
Through my perspective, I thought we were in this struggle together but at different stages. I am a generally resourceful person, so when someone comes to me with an issue I will use everything I’ve got to try and help them. Mostly because I feel like if I can help someone with one thing that will get them closer to being at their best then I think it is important to do. We accumulate skills and knowledge to share with each other and that is what I feel like my role is in friendships. However, this encounter didn’t turn out that way. In fact, it was the opposite. I had not noticed anything until this remark and probably would have not. Nonetheless I refuse to feel guilty because I have had a different experience.
