Life has a funny way of hitting us with hardship when we least expect it. I often make the joke that I feel like I live Murphy's Law more often than not. Life can be really tough sometimes, and it can be really difficult to wrap your mind around why certain things are happening.
Why am I not enough?
Why isn't it worth it anymore?
What's the point of trying if everything keeps falling through?
Why keep fighting?
What went wrong?
These questions will drive you absolutely insane, especially if these life situations have blindsided you. I know for me, the past several weeks/months have felt like a living nightmare. I just kept waiting for myself to wake up. It's really easy to get lost in the low points here. Grief and confusion can really feel like a roller coaster. Sometimes, it feels like everything is back to normal; you're smiling and laughing one minute, and then reality hits you the next. It feels like the worst case of whiplash.
For me, faith has been an instrumental part of finding peace with the situation. Why keep fighting? Because there's a plan for me out there somewhere, and even though I may not know what direction I'm heading now, the most important thing is taking that first step. What went wrong? It's not for me to know, and maybe it never will be. All I can do now is do the best I can for the One who is greater than all of it. What's the point in trying if everything keeps falling through? God has a funny way of making life work out the way it's meant to, although maybe not in the ways we expect. Why isn't it worth it anymore? Fighting for what's right is always worth it, but sometimes people need to figure that out for themselves. All we can do is the best we can to keep striving for what we know is right. Why am I not enough? You were enough for the Son of God to literally go through Hell on Earth for you. Don't you dare think that just because someone on Earth doesn't think you're enough that it diminishes your value? That places their opinions on a higher pedestal, and I know that no one of faith wants that. We are wonderfully made. The opinions of those around us can never change that.
I've found a lot of peace in diving into Bible study. It sounds cheesy, but it's been reassuring in so many ways. This past week especially has been healing. I was able to fellowship with a group of YoungLife College students for a week, and the community we built together was the most healing thing. I think people underestimate the impact that a solid fellowship can have. I know I did. I got caught up in wanting to just muscle through things on my own that I distanced myself from a lot of positive forces in my life. Fellowshipping with these amazing people over Spring Break was a much-needed reminder that there are people out there willing to love you through the tough times and that there is a God who will love you no matter what. That unconditional love has brought me more peace than anything else. I may not have much direction right now, but as long as I go where God wants me, that's all that really matters right now.
I spent a lot of time trying to heal this past week. Bible studies, running, just sitting in silence with Creation all around me. These have all brought me such a sense of reassurance. Please don't ever feel like you're alone. Regardless of whether you place your faith in Jesus or not, there are people out there willing to love you through the storms of your life. Don't waste your time pursuing temporary happiness when you have the option of finding a joyful Spirit. If you can find joy in the tough times, you will be unstoppable. Today, I place my trust in One who is greater than all of this, and I have never felt freer.
