I’ve never thought about myself as an anxious person. But the truth is, everyone has at least a little anxiety. For some, almost every scenario or situation can bring them panic or anxiety, for others, they only feel anxiety towards certain situations or idea. Yet I hadn’t realized that I myself felt what is considered anxiety, when I let myself get close to people. When this happens, it’s easy to annoy people, it’s easy to push people away...but sometimes you meet those special people who don’t leave, and they help you overcome your anxiety and love who you really are, outside of what you have trouble controlling.

This is for those people. Those people who don't give up on people like us. People like Anxiety.

I've always worked hard to think logically, to keep control of my thoughts and emotions, to tell myself every time I have a conversation with someone that I’m not bothering them. I really push through these thoughts that want to keep me away from so many experiences and relationships, and that’s why I’ve never really thought about myself and thought: Anxiety.

Outside of my family, I've only been close to one person in my life, my best friend, Courtney. I’ve learned and felt what it’s like to be your absolute truest self. With your best friend, you don’t think about what you’re saying, what you’re eating, what you’re doing, or the face you make laughing or crying. You’re just living, with them. With best friends and a great family you aren't anxious from them. But recently, I’ve met someone who means the world. Someone I can’t imagine life without, and life before was missing just one more color. I’ve let myself become extremely close with another soul, and we all know how difficult it is to open up to people, especially when you aren’t really sure if they’re going to be okay with who you really are. But with him, it wasn’t a problem. I’ve met someone who has become even my best best friend. Someone like family and Courtney. You don’t think about anything with them, you just are who you are.

Although, the challenge with getting close to a new person is challenging yourself to not let your anxiety keep you away, or push them away. But sometimes we can’t help it when all of our worrying thoughts come pouring out onto that person coming into your life, and in return of opening u[ it just ignites a whole new flame of anxiety. Every message you send you think you’re bothering them. Every time you see them, you think you’re wasting their time. Every time you talk about your anxiety, you feel like it’ll push them away, that you’re too much to handle because you are too much in the least amount of ways. By that I mean, you feel like you’re not enough, but too much when you expose the anxiety. And the whole time I’ve been doing this, he listens and he helps. He doesn't run away, he doesn't make me feel like a bother, he doesn't tell me to stop...he's patient.

I’m writing this to tell you, whoever you are, that being with someone who makes you feel like you’re hard to love, like you’re too much, is the wrong person in every way possible. Me personally, I probably say sorry every single day, 50 times a day to him, and he doesn’t get annoyed or mad, he just says, “Everything’s okay, there’s no need to apologize.” He doesn’t tell me I need to stop, he doesn’t comment on how much I say it even when I know it's a lot, he just says it’s okay. When I have a meltdown in the middle of the night (because anxiety will keep you up with made up scenarios or ideas) he’s there. He listens. He doesn’t complain, he doesn’t tell me to go to sleep, he doesn’t tell me I’m ridiculous. He makes sure that everything is calm and understood, that I let everything out and am comforted and loved before the night ends.

Because of people like him, who listen and understand, your anxiety will disintegrate, and you will learn to trust them even when you already do. Because of people like him, people like us with anxiety learn to be more than the anxiousness that conceals us. Find your people like him.

And I know it’s hard, because I didn’t think those people existed. I thought that I was too much when I would break down. I thought I was too emotional. I thought I thought too much, and overall, this is absolutely true, but what wasn’t true is believing that people leaving because you're anxiety was too much, was okay to you because it was your fault. No. Those people don't matter. If you, are having a anxiety break down and someone isn’t comforting you….If you, are constantly asking if you’re okay, as a couple, as a relationship, “are we okay?” and they answer annoyed because you’re asking for the third time today….If you, are crying because you don’t understand why you think this but you think you’re not making them happy, and they don't hold you and tell you that you’re perfect and the one for them...then you...you are with the absolute wrong human being for you.

Because,

there is someone out there who will accept you for your anxiety, and they will help you. There are people out there who won’t get annoyed with your “I’m sorry” and “are we okay”. There are people out there who won’t make you feel like you’re hard to love. Find them and never let them go, and if they love you, they will help you until the end. And if when you overcome your anxiety, and they are patient with you, then the outcome is so special and strong.

I’ve lived my whole life feeling like love was as heavy as the ocean, when it’s truly as light as a grain of sand. Loving is like breathing, I never thought it was true, but love is exactly like breathing.

And I appreciate you so much. (And people like you.) Even when it’s hard to show and there’s so much anxiousness, there’s never a moment when you’re not helping me overcome my anxiety. And there is never a moment when I’m not thankful for you, my best best friend.