This morning was just like any other summer day. I woke up late and headed to the bathroom to start my day. As I wash my hands, I look up into the mirror and begin to stare at the figure looking back at me. The girl staring back at me is a stranger. I don’t know who she is or where she came from. Some things seem the same. I see the long blonde hair and blue eyes on a five foot tall frame; however, something is different. The blue eyes that used to sparkle now seem dull and the smile that was always contagious has diminished.
I look back into the mirror and see the stranger staring at me. I look at the hands that were held by the man with the chocolate brown eyes, who used to love me. I touch the soft pink lips that have been kissed so many times, both by the right and the wrong guys. I see the waist that was supposed to have grown for nine months. I see the pain which hasn't left and an invisible scar that will never heal from the men who have taken advantage of this body. I remember the tears that streamed down my cheeks night after night when I was unable to sleep.
Again, I look back at the figure in the mirror and gasp. I see the shadows behind me and the faces of those I have lost. I see gray hair and wrinkles on the face of the one who loved me the most. Next, I see the bald head of the cowboy who I loved so dearly. I remember both sets of arms being held wide open to me anytime I needed. I miss them so. I believe them to be there when I look behind me. I turn around only to find there is nothing behind me but a cabinet and the wallpaper of the bathroom.
I take one final glance in the mirror and wonder what happened. Where did the girl who was always happy, never had to put on a fake smile, loved people, and loved God, go? I notice she has left me and is gone. A stranger has taken her place. Will she ever find her way back? One thing is for sure; she will never be the same. Then, I think, there is nothing stopping her from starting from where she’s at and building a better life for herself, a life that isn’t perfect, but healthier. I think of all the things this girl has and can be grateful for.
She has a family who will always love her no matter how many mistakes she makes. She has friends who take care of and love her for her. She has a church family who pray for her and love her. She has the children she teaches at the hospital, who make her smile and feel good knowing she can help improve the lives of others. She has an incredible boyfriend who continues to love and support her through her hopes and dreams. She has God, whom she has chosen to walk away from, but can come back to at any time. All she needs is a little hope that she can crush the demons who have continued to run her life for the past few years.
I would like to note that I wrote this article for anyone who feels lost or alone. Living life the way you want to can be fun, but also dangerous. Living life can have many ups, but it also comes with a lot of downs. There’s nothing stopping you from changing your perspective and turning your life around. Nobody said life was going to be easy, but live it to the fullest and best of your ability.
Psalms 25:16-20
“Turn thou to me, and be gracious to me; for I am lonely and afflicted. Relieve the troubles of my heart, and bring me out of my distress. Consider my affliction, and my trouble, and forgive all my sins. Consider how many are my foes, and with what violent hatred they hate me. Oh guard my life, and deliver me; let me not be put to shame, for I take refuge in thee.” (RSV)
