People underestimate the strength a person needs to express themselves when it comes to defining their sexual interest. The people around you tend to get used to the normality of things and have a hard time dealing with the change in someone’s lifestyle. I remember the night I was able to express myself to the people around me.
Now of course every person withholding this life changing secret has a reason for doing so. For me, it was because of the two people that had major impacts on my life, both positive and negative. One was my father, Tim, who was always pointing out the negative characteristics on every task I completed, small or large. The other was my grandmother, Brenda. This woman has, and always will be, the most important person in my life and will continue to be my best friend. By telling them about my sexuality, I was worried that the hostility from my father would increase and the positive encouragement from my grandmother would decrease, and that would tear me apart.
My sister, Kim, who always made me feel comfortable around her, decided to bring me to the movies. With the struggles we faced in our lives at that time, it felt nice to have a night away from everyone and let loose. She already knew that I was into the same sex and made me feel as though it was perfectly fine because everyone is different.
We always found ourselves making jokes about my hidden lifestyle, mainly because it made the environment less hostile for everyone within it. For example, while heading to the movies, Kim dared me to call and tell my grandmother the secret that I had been dreading since the first day I realized I had a secret to tell. I remember the feeling in my stomach when the phone was ringing. It felt as though the sound of the phone had traveled into my stomach and created the biggest butterflies I had ever had, which floated around until she answered. “Hey buddy,” she said.
The conversation was normal at first, but then I finally gained enough courage to spit out the surreptitious information. At this exact moment, I remember thinking about "The Wizard Of Oz" and told myself that I was the Lion. Courage is something you always have, not something you have to gain. A simple sentence was said to drop a huge ball on the woman who encouraged me to continue my crazy journey. “I like guys, grandma,” I said to her. Her response was something that shocked me and showed me how amazing she truly was, not only as a grandmother, but also as a best friend.
The struggle of this feeling was only half over, but the other half is a different story. The whole point of this one is to show that not everyone will be negative when it comes to true honesty. If a person really cares about you, they will continue to care aside from any change that you may spring on them. It is the acceptance from people that encourage others to overcome that fear of change.
