I was born and raised in a small village in Upstate New York called Pittsford. Population: 27,219. I mostly hated growing up there. I always thought I was destined for a city- constant people and things to do. Probably because I was and always have been bad at boredom. Boredom, in many ways, is my worst enemy. As a kid, I never knew what to do with it. I would drive my mom insane pacing around the house trying to get her to take me to do something or play a game with me or just let me ramble about how bored I was to her.
She would incessantly ignore me to the point where I would freak out and get so tired I would have to take a nap. Then she would say - “there you go, that’s all you had to do was just be still.” I never understood that- “just be still.” It made no sense to an anxious, vigorous mind like mine. “Just being still” was just simply not an option.
After almost 10 years of this routine - boredom, anxious pacing and freaking out - I had had enough. I was in 9th grade and I couldn’t take it anymore. I had one last major ‘freak out’ over winter break that year. It lasted nearly 10 hours. I had plainly lost my mind. One shattered mirror, a smashed iPhone and many slammed doors later, I was nearing the end of some of the most painful, dreadful 10 hours of my life.
I found myself lying on a bench in the hallway of my mothers' house, squeezing my head and telling it to shut up. My mom sat with me silently for many hours, repeating the words “just be still.” I got it- I finally got it. That was what was wrong. My head could not be still and boredom itched that reality a little bit too harshly.
With lack of ability to find constant entertainment in my small little town and quaint, quiet neighborhood, I was forced to face the demons in my head that boredom would expose. I realized, through many anxiety attacks and silent days and nights alone with my thoughts, I realized that there had to be an alternative reality- that life couldn’t possibly consist of such incessant anxious nagging thoughts because otherwise, the human race wouldn’t exist.
As a result, I came to understand more of the depths of my being and the crevices of my mind that often acted like black holes. I began to reach inwards for long-term contentment instead of reaching outwards for provisional bliss. Boredom thus has forced and allowed me to come to know myself on a deeper level.
I have been able to understand the demons of the mind and know them on the most personal level possible. I have also learned how to combat these demons before they are even born as a result of knowing them so deeply. So, despite the bad reputation that boredom gets, I attest that it is one of the most crucial parts of personal and spiritual growth. Contrasting with the words of Tyler the Creator- I proclaim that we, the human race, “find some time to do ‘nothing’.”
