Life is full of defining moments. Some are so big that we see them coming from a mile away, while others pop up out of nowhere but still have a large impact. Sometimes, we are well-equipped, experienced, and ready to handle anything that happens in these moments. But other times, you are challenged so suddenly in these moments that you will have to make decisions you had never even thought of before.
This can be stressful, exciting, upsetting, and most likely terrifying. But no matter what, these moments that will be huge parts of your life and will shape the person you will become. I recently faced a small incident that surprisingly had quite an impact on my life, thanks to some amazing advice from one of my closest friends.
For the past two weeks, I would drive my little brother to and from hockey camp. Now I love my little brother and would have done this anyways, but it was a bonus that his coaches were actually pretty cute. I’d go in and talk with them, and I began to wonder if maybe they were flirting back with me. But of course I brushed it off, because what could I do about it?
Our conversations lasted 5 minutes max, and I didn't think you could base anything off conversations that short. Some of my friends began to ask me “Why don’t you make a move?” and “Why not ask one of them out?” Why not? Because I don’t put myself out there like that just to get rejected. I mean who wants that? I then called my good friend Mae, and told her “Mae, this guy is really cute and I’ve been thinking of giving him my number but I’m too scared." As we talked through all the ways to do it, all the reasons to do it and not to do it, she said something to me that I will hold forever in my heart.
She said “20 seconds of courage, that’s all it takes. You can be courageous for 20 seconds." I laughed at first but when I thought about it, she was right. I’ve never been a fan of the phrase “fake it till you make it” because I've always felt it implies you are pretending to not have strength that you actually possess. Mae's advice reminded me that I had the confidence and the power, and that I just had to use it for only 20 seconds.
So the next day while driving to camp I kept saying “20 seconds, 20 seconds, 20 seconds” in my head, until we pulled up to the doors. I wrote my number on a folded-up piece of paper that read (and this was Mae’s idea too) “I like the way you Espresso yourself on the ice” and wrote my number below.
My brother took the cup and handed it to him as he had every morning and I smiled at the coaches and of course left for work. And a good hour later I got a text that said “Waited till the last day of camp though?!?” and I couldn’t stop smiling. Now to make a long story short, we texted throughout the day. But I made very clear I wanted to go on a date, as simple as grabbing food or going public skating, and he of course was looking for something, well let’s say “easier” than that. So of course, shortly after that was made clear we stopped talking. Which I was surprisingly fine with.
One, because I stood my ground on and wasn’t gonna compromise my morals for some cute hockey player. But more importantly, because I mustered up those 20 seconds of courage, which really only ended up being a cool 10.
To do something so simple really did take a lot of courage, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of or to be nervous about. But when you realize that you really only need that amount of courage for such a short amount of time, it becomes so much easier.
And to be honest with you, the next time I want to be this daring, it will be even easier than the first time, and it will eventually become second nature. Life makes us feel like we need to be a strong warrior all the time, every hour of every day. But truthfully, nobody is like that. So the next time you are faced with a challenge, whether it be a class presentation, standing up to a bully, defending someone else, public speaking, or asking someone out, remind yourself that you only need courage for a short amount of time.
Whether that short amount of time, be five an hour, five minutes, or 20 seconds, you can surely find the courage within yourself. And even if you are terrified at the moment, your future self will be grateful.
