Why is it that I feel as though I am missing out on life? My day is full of school, athletics, responsibilities. I am young, but I feel as though I have matured a great deal more than my peers. I am young, but I feel as though I am old. I am young, but I feel as though I am not experiencing the youth that I am presently in.
My days are but a schedule to be followed. I am to challenge the society I live in by focusing on the broader concepts of the world. Day to day, I am forced to mature my ideas and grow in my opinions. What happened to that sense of careless responsibility? What happened to the youth that everyone says I have? I do not feel young. I do not feel irresponsible, carefree, whole. I feel as though I am a shadow of the future woman I am on the track to becoming. I am proud of who I am becoming, yes. I am proud of how mature, responsible, open-minded I am. But what about my youth?
I am upset at how sad, stressed and discouraged I feel. My life is but a constant dialogue filled with questions regarding my future and answers that could change its track. I am constantly being forced to look ahead in the future; the idea that it would never come, but with the fear that it is encroaching nearer as each minute passes. Time, what an incredulous thing; seemingly slow in moments of despair, but quick in times of joy and hope. Maybe that is why we lose so many young individuals who leave us too early. Their days are irregularly long as they face their troubles, while those who are happy only realize a year passes in the blink of an eye.
Youth passes in the blink of an eye. I see colleagues enjoying their lives at this ripe age and I am but forced to question, why not me? Why do they seem happier than I? Why do they seem more carefree and youthful than I? I realize that hard work reaps incredulous benefits in the long run, but what about the memories that could be made in this short run?
The balance between staying young and maturing is but a dream to accomplish. I question the motives of those surrounding I; the dreams they hold, the decisions they make, the lives they live. I ponder whether or not I should reevaluate my own life, opportunities, experiences.
But then I find the good.
The good in the experiences I have had and the opportunities I have been blessed with. The good in the friendships that surround me and the lessons they have taught me. The good in the dreams reached and the dreams I still strive for. The good in those with minds and hearts like I. The good in the woman I am now, but also the woman I am becoming.
I find the goodness of God; and in that, I no longer question.