There's a lot of pressure to do certain things to be a "real Filipinx" or to be seen as "valid" in the culture. Here's why you should totally disregard those things.
1. You have to conform to the beauty standards.
Traces of white supremacy are still alive and well in the culture in the way that pale skin is seen as better, and people pray for bonier noses so that they look more "white". Don't do that. If you don't look like that there's nothing wrong with you and you're beautiful the way you are. If you don't look "white" and hate your looks it's probably because our colonizers from Spain or America entrenched that belief on to you, your ancestors, and society over time. Leave that mentality in the past where it belongs. And even if you don't want to look "white", you may want to look Korean because Koreans are more prominent in Asian media and therefore held up as a standard of beauty. Again, embrace your own beauty and while it's okay to appreciate Korean beauty and culture, don't hold it up as better than ours because our cultures should be equal and if we don't support artists that look like us, our children won't ever have role models to look up to and feel assured that they are beautiful the way they are.
2. You can't brag.
Another thing in Filipino culture that is prominent is that people (mostly women) are afraid to be called "mayabang", or braggy, and somewhat shamed by society into being humble and underhyping their achievements. "Ambitious" is also an insult in the Philippines, which is something I've noticed while watching a Filipino movie in which some mean girls try to undermine the main character and stop her from being with this guy that they all like. When female celebrities accept compliments or awards and acknowledge that they deserve it or earned it, viewers and "fans" go after them in the nastiest ways. It's a real problem that women can't enjoy success and reveling in that success without people painting them as a villain for doing so.
3. You either need to pursue STEM or have it as a backup plan.
My mom explained to me that the reason why there are so many Filipino nurses in America (that were born there and work here) is that that job is their only way out of the Philippines and the other industries have no demand for Filipinos in other professions. Even so, it bothered me that even Broadway superstar Lea Salonga has to work as a doctor to pay her bills, and can't even fully rely on a job in the arts/media industry. It seems to me that Filipinos always have to rely on STEM jobs to save them and I hate that. Because what about those of us who aren't good at that subject? And I get that Filipino parents only encourage their kids to go into those fields for a "stable profession", so their children won't have to struggle like they did growing up, but those children are in America now. The whole reason the parents struggled in the first place was so their future children can live their American dream, and sorry, some of our American dreams don't involve the medical field whatsoever.
4. You need to value your family, even the toxic ones that treat you poorly.
When I was looking up Youtube videos on "cutting family members off" from your life, there was barely any to no videos on that subject from Asian, Hispanic, or White people. Instead they were predominantly black women discussing that subject. Since Filipino culture highly values family, cutting off toxic family members isn't an easy thing to do for most people. But even if it's an unpopular idea, sometimes you have to do what's best for your own mental health, no matter what everyone else thinks.
5. Being with someone of another race and the problems that go with it.
This goes both ways. If a Filipino dates/marries a white person, the family (if they are still influenced with colonial mentality) is happy because "their children will be beautiful" and "closer to being white". Yeah, I know. It's bad. Also if a Filipino dates/marries someone black, the family/community, if they are old fashioned, may not want to talk to them because black skin is not considered beautiful over there and they view dark-skinned people as inferior. Which is ridiculous because Blasians are some of the most beautiful people on Earth.
6. Not advocating for yourself.
A large part of the imposed humility in the culture is not speaking up when you don't get what you deserve. Such as, when you want to ask your boss for a raise, or when your teacher compliments your group mate on a specific aspect of a project when you know that that part was all you. If you've felt like this, you are definitely not alone, but don't be afraid to take up space in this world. You were put on this Earth for a reason, so don't think that you are inferior to anyone else, and take your place at the table.
7. You need to be part of a Filipinx squad.
This applies more to college students than any other age range. If you are in college and don't have a big group of friends that are all Filipino, that is completely fine. I totally understand that once you're away from home, being with people that are like you is comforting, but don't feel the pressure to only surround yourself with people that are like you. Stay close with your high school friends. Join non-cultural orgs and make friends based on your interests. Make friends through cultural orgs that you may not see all the time but the friendship is still special and important and in which you support each other's successes.
8. You need to be good at/like EVERY PART of your culture.
Your girl is not good at tinikling. I have no desire to get better. It's just not my thing. I support everyone that does love it/is good at it, but I know my strengths and tinikling is not one of them. I promise to cheer you on really loudly from the sidelines though, just as you'd do for me at a poetry slam or musical. Also it's cool if you like boba, but don't diss people for not liking it. Everyone has different tastes.
9. You're unfit to be a leader.
There's this pervasive idea that Filipinos are only good for grunt work, manual labor, and performing when they're not in the STEM field, of course. And this mentality needs to stop. We need more Filipinos in government, law, and entertainment. We need more Filipino Presidents, Executives, and CEOs. I know more than a few people that are on their way and I very loudly and passionately encourage them-us- to keep going. Because the world needs more of us.
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