It's about to get weirder than a night of Pacquiao at your Tito's house.
1. Seeing an entire roast pig (LECHON) spread out across two tables, and not thinking it’s a bit weird\
2. Then glancing over the three enormous tables of food, then seeing your tita shrug and say, “Oh, it’s not that much.”
3. Playing ping pong with your titos.
4. Then bringing out this bad boy.
5. Eating fish, fried rice, and eggs for breakfast.
6. Calling the air conditioning “air-con,” then expecting the weird glances from your American friends.
7. Actually enjoying Spam.
8. Rushing to make rice before your parents get home in fear of getting yelled at
9. This happens at your front door every time people are over:
10. Having to “mano” to every grown-up before even looking them in the eye.
11. Not being able to leave the house until every single dish is washed. No spoons left behind.
12. “Pointing” to everything with your lip.
13. Going to your tita’s house whenever there’s a Pacquiao fight (and not leaving said house until the sun comes up).
14. Not throwing out your plastic utensils and washing them until they break (it literally says ‘Disposeable’ on the box).
15. There is a rice cooker sitting in your kitchen that is probably older than you.
16. Learning to make rice was your first chore.
17. Going to family events and having every adult in the house ask you if you have a boyfriend (the answer will always be no).
18. There is a tabo (bucket) in your bano that has at least five gallons of water in it all the time.
19. Hearing your Nanay yell, “HOY don’t go there! There’s a mumo (ghost) over there!!!”
20. Going to Jollibee and feeling like you’ve arrived at the promised land (of chicken).
21. Constantly running on Filipino time (aka being late no matter how important it is).
22. Putting an entire bulb of garlic in a dish and not even questioning if it’s excessive.
23. Any and all electronic devices are still covered in the original plastic it came with.
24. You eat your food with a spoon and fork (and occasionally, only your hands).
25. There is a picture of the Last Supper hanging above your dining room table, and a giant spoon and fork too.
26. This is your mantra.
27. It literally takes eight trillion decades for you and your entire group of friends/family members/church members to take picture.
28. Meanwhile, your weird tito (or your tatay) yells, “wacky” then expects everyone to do something insane.
29. You consider the Asian store to be your second home (and Jollibee to be your third).
