I am starting to become the girl I should've been a long time ago

It took me 20 years to get to this part of my life, and I am not sure I am even ready for it. I am starting to become the girl that is putting herself first more often. I have shed too many tears for others and have too many footprints on me from being stepped on. I have realized that I need to be aware of my own needs and put those over other people's wants. I am slowly taking a step back from being the 'people-pleaser' that I know many call me and am turning towards a woman that is more self-determined and speaks from her heart.

I am starting to have more realizations about what I need in order to succeed in this life. I could not see myself being the way I am now, 5 years ago. Not even 2 years ago. But I am happy that I went through my obstacles in order to get to where I am today. I am starting to learn that people will not like me, and that is okay. As well as I may not like some people, and that is also okay. I am coming to terms that everything happens for a reason and that in the end, God has a plan. I used to question a lot, almost every day, for all the bad things that happened to me; but I am beginning to understand that some of the bad things that happen to me are ways for Him to look after me.

I am learning that it is okay to be alone, but not lonely. Sometimes I need quality time and other times I want to be surrounded by others, I am slowly balancing out between the two, to keep myself sane.

I am starting to become the girl that notices that I am growing up; that I need to take responsibility and to come up with a true plan of what I need to do with my life. I am only 21 years old but my life is constantly changing.

I am becoming the girl that is taking more risks and is dreaming big about going to New York and to make a new for herself in the journalism business. Even though it will be hard, competitive and will take pretty much every fiber of my being, it will be worth it.

I understand that as I take on more challenges and gain more scars, that they will just be reminders of how far I have come. I am no longer the little girl who was abused by her father or being consumed by all her negative self-talk and bullies. I am not longer that girl that wakes up every morning waiting for something to happen.

I wake up now, planning on what I am going to make happen.

I am starting to become the girl I should've been a long time ago and I wonder where this girl will take me in life.