Keeping it civil when fighting with friends
Start writing a post
Student Life

9 Ways To Fight With Your Friends Without Blowing Up Your Relationship

The secrets to happy, healthy discourse

1458
https://www.pexels.com/photo/woman-and-man-sitting-on-brown-wooden-bench-984949/
Pexels

Fighting with your friends sucks; there are no two ways about it, but sometimes it's inevitable. Here are my top nine tips for keeping it civil and coming out of arguments with your relationship intact.

1. Fight.

Don't literally fight them, but you shouldn't be afraid of confrontation with someone you consider a friend. Communication is important in any relationship and while it's easy to talk about the good things or the unimportant things, it's just as dire to talk about the bad things and the hard things. Why? Because we improve and strengthen our relationships by working on and moving past the rough patches and we love our friends despite them. If you think simply voicing a concern or a differing opinion will ruin your relationship, you may want to reevaluate the friendship.

2. Don’t poke holes-- actually listen

This is really hard, and almost all of us are guilty of it-- when we're right, we're right and we need to tell you exactly why you're wrong or why your side is invalid. However, this is not a productive way to argue with a friend or anyone really. It's important that you make an effort to listen to what your friend is trying to say instead of clinging to your side of the story while forming a counter argument and trying to poke holes in their side in your head. When you actually hear what the other person is saying, it's much easier to get to the root of the problem and move past it.

3. Your goal shouldn’t be to hurt them.

No matter what you're arguing about, you may say something that your friend doesn't want to hear or that unintentionally hurts them, but your goal should never be to be vindictive or malicious. First of all, it's neither a productive nor a mature way to disagree, and second of all, theoretically, this is a person you care. If you're at a point where you're willing to intentionally hurt them, maybe there's a bigger issue you should be addressing within the relationship.

4. Don’t try to get even.

Just because someone said or did something that hurt you does not mean you should hurt them back. Why? Because it's petty and childish, but also because that's a stressful way to live your life. Either forgive them or don't, but it's not good for either of you to keep a scoreboard or hold past incidents over each others' heads.

5. Give them space.

You may want to rush into being best buds again or have a set timeframe by which you think they should get over it, but people need time and space. Chances are they'll let you know when they're ready to be full on friends again. In the meantime, just let them know that you're there for them and meet them where they're at.

6. Don’t re-open old unrelated arguments.

This isn't about what they did the summer of 2013; this is about right now. If you're arguing about them being unreliable, there's no need to bring up the time in middle school they went with Steven Smith to the spring formal even though you made it very clear you had a crush on them. This is also not the time to bring up past arguments that you've already supposedly forgiven them for. If you're bringing it up now, you're obviously not over it, but that's a separate issue you can deal with another time.

7. Apologize.

Regardless of if you think you've done something wrong, if your friend is telling you that you're words or actions hurt them, you should apologize. If you feel strongly that you're not in the wrong, you should still apologize for hurting them, even if you're not sorry about what you did. Why? Because it shows that you're considerate and that you do care about their feelings, even if you're in a fight. By the way, an apology is not a justification and should not include a qualifier. "I'm sorry, but.." and "I'm sorry" are not the same.

8. Make up, or don’t

Chances are you aren't bound by a blood pact, so regardless of how much time or effort you've put into a relationship, it's okay to walk away. If this person is causing more stress in your life than happiness, or you've come to the conclusion they're just not a good person for you to be around, it's okay to tell them you don't want to be friends anymore. I'm not saying you should cut people out of your life anytime anyone does you dirty. I am saying that if this one instance is representative of your entire relationship or there's a definite theme, it may be worth it a. bring that up with your friend and b. really take time to look over that friendship and see if it's one worth still being in.

9. There are no sides.

Your fight isn't the Superbowl; there are no teams. Consequently, you shouldn't be dragging mutual friends into the mess and make them pick a side. Your relationship with a person is completely independent of your friends' relationships with that same person. This also means you don't get to sit around with your mutual friends and talk trash, putting people in an awkward situation of having to agree or disagree with you. It's unfair to your friends and to be honest; it's a little petty.

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Featured

How I Celebrate Valentine's Day

Every person, every couple celebrates Valentines in different ways, but there are a few things to keep in mind.

995
How I Celebrate Valentine's Day
https://stokpic.com/project/love-heart-art-on-urban-street/

Ah, Valentines Day, a day of excitement for some and heart break for many. There are three kinds of people on Valentine's Day: the ones who make it a big deal, a little deal, and those who are single, but Valentine's Day can be fun for anyone if you have the right spirit in mind.

Keep Reading... Show less
Warner Bros. Television

1. You don't have to feel guilty about flirting with customers for tips (or just for shits and giggles).

2. You can be obnoxiously flirtatious with anyone you want. You are free to be that girl that flirts with everybody and makes 'em all smile (it's especially fun when the guy is as cute as Collin Jost). No shame.

3. Making random men nervous with your superior beauty and intense eye contact just for the hell of it is really amusing and empowering.

4. No one gives two poops if ya legs are hairy (your man shouldn't either but *Kermit the Frog meme* That's none of my business)

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

Black History Month? Try Black History Year

What does Black History Month mean to you?

1519
madamenoire

African Americans have done so much and will forever be remembered for their accomplishments. In my opinion, there is no such thing as Black History Month. All year, we should celebrate the amazing poetry, music, inventions, and accomplishments that has surfaced over the last 100 years. Let's take a look...

Keep Reading... Show less
Featured

A TikTok Ban? Nope, That's Not Happening

We've seen this movie before with the popular social media app.

4506
tiktok

Here we go again. There's a groundswell of support to ban TikTok in the United States.

Keep Reading... Show less
Content Inspiration

Top 3 Response Articles of This Week

Check out what's trending on Odyssey!

4680
writing on a page with a hand holding a pen as if the person is beginning to write something
c1.staticflickr.com

Looking for some inspiration to kick off your Monday? Check out these articles by our talented team of response writers! From poetry to tips for manifesting your dream life, there's something for everyone.

Keep Reading... Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments