Stop Sitting On Your Butt And Become The Next Batman

Stop Sitting On Your Butt And Become The Next Batman

A guide for superheroes, and people who want to help.


To my friends and family, it is no secret that I love superheroes. I have even written about them before. Before I was looking at whether or not people should become vigilantes, now I want to look more into our favorite vigilante's main crime-fighting method and see if it works, namely, is fighting criminals the best way to reduce crime?

First, I want us to imagine Batman, characteristically brooding on the top of a tower, waiting to see any kind of crime happening. The moment a cry goes up Batman is off to deal with whatever is going on. And in this way, Batman fights crime, one criminal at a time, stopping one crime at a time. Now on one extreme in the Kingdom Come storyline, Batman creates a line of Batbots which patrol Gotham, and he turns Gotham into a police state. On another extreme Batman could do nothing, he could stop fighting crime.

Clearly between the above options its clear to see that the best option is to keep doing what he is doing, and fight crime one criminal at a time. Given that crime is happening, is Batman's best response what he is currently doing? Doing nothing does not seem to be a solution. The other extreme seems just as bad though, creating a police state, even if Batman were to simply scale up his rate of crime-fighting then he would begin to look more like a representation of the Broken Windows Theory. With the most "notable application of the theory [being] in New York City under the direction of Police Commissioner William Bratton" This theory's main idea is that even what might be considered relatively small stuff, like jumping a subway terminal, are something that needs to be confronted with full force. This idea eventually lead to "zero-tolerance" policies. Eventually, the Broken Windows Theory was seen as not being able to find enough empirical evidence to support its claim and has largely been confined to the past.

So what is a vigilante to do? Well, the Urban Institute in one article mentions "violence interrupters" and organizations like CureViolence. Using trained workers to de-escalate situations, and engaging the community to voice their concerns, and disapproval of violent acts in their community.

To Batman's credit, he is often seen as empowering communities to speak out against violence. And although Batman's technique of fighting crime one on one is important, it doesn't lead to lasting change. Perhaps a new model for superheroes will be engaging in some kind of restorative justice, and de-escalating situations instead of punching people until "justice" has been done.

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You May Have Worn The Prom Dress With Him, But I Get To Wear The Wedding Dress

You had him in high school, but I get him for the rest of my life.

High school seems like the best time of your life when you are in it. You think that all of your friends will be with you until the end, and that you will end up with whoever you are dating your senior year. For very few, that might just be the case. For all others, that is far from true.

You thought that you would marry your boyfriend and you thought that everything would work out how you had always imagined. I don't blame you though. He's great. You wanted everything with him, but you were just not right for him.

I wish I could say that I am sorry it didn't work out for you, but I can't. I can't because he is mine now, and I get to cherish him forever. You didn't do that right, and you were not meant to be together. You will find someone too, but I am happy that you were not the one for him.

Sometimes I have issues with jealousy, and I hate that you got all of the high school stuff with him. You got to go to games and support him. It kills me that I couldn't be there for him because I know I would have actually been there wholeheartedly. I would have done it out of love, not as a popularity appearance.

I hate that you got to go to all of the school dances with him. He got to see you all dressed up and probably told you how great you looked. I'm sure you did look great. Prom dresses were always fun to pick out and so colorful. It was exciting to match colors with your date. I am sure you had fun choosing his matching tux to your dress.

I find myself getting jealous, but then I stop. I am getting to match his tux with our wedding colors. I got to go dress shopping in a sea of white, and he doesn't get to know one detail about that dress yet. He will get to see me walk down the aisle and then every day forever. I get to love him forever.

I try to not get jealous of all of the things you got with him because it is all in the past. You had your time, and now I get the wedding. You got to dress up in high school, but I get to dress up for my wedding with him. He may have put a corsage on your wrist, but he will be putting the wedding ring on my finger.

Cover Image Credit: Jessy Scott

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5 Things I Don't Know How To Do But Should've Learned Years Ago, As Told By The Kardashians

In my opinion, there should be college classes completely based on mastering these topics.


There are many things that I don't know how to do yet. These, however, are things that I am now realizing are things I maybe should have learned a long time ago. Things that if I knew anything about them, it would improve my life exponentially. Hopefully some of you feel the same and we can learn together.

1. How to cook chicken

Seems easy, but this is deceivingly difficult. No one tells you what type of chicken to get, and there are so many options. Like, do you get chicken breast or chicken cutlet or chicken tenders? Which way is the best way to cook it? Pan fry, bake, deep fry, poach, steam, etc! And how do you make it not taste like paper? What, like, spices do you put on it? In my last year of college I have made it my duty to learn how to make every type of chicken.

2. How to work a dishwasher

So, I know how to put the plates and silverware in, obviously. And I always clean them off before because I never trust the dishwasher soap to get everything off. How would it? And where exactly does the little dishwasher soap go? No one tells you where the leetle hole is that the soap bar goes. There's like three different holes in the door thing, and how are you supposed to know which one the soap goes in? Just guess and hope for the best? That's what I do.

3. How to pay your taxes??? Literally how

No matter who I ask, young or old, no one understands anything about taxes. I have been working since I was 17 and year after year when I ask my parents for help filing my taxes, they agree begrudgingly while squinting at the paper pointing at the little boxes with a "I think it's that one." I have never and will never understand anything to do with taxes, period. I will leave this to the professionals.

4. How to do anything with insurance, ever

Once again, wtf? Do the companies make these things impossible to understand on purpose? Like, all I want is to get my birth control from CVS and be done. Is that so hard? Why do I have to switch it to Walgreens (to whom I am NOT brand loyal, to, by the way) and then check if they cover my insurance? And WTF is a copay? And there's something that you pay before you get a copay? All I'm gonna say is that my mom tried to explain it to me once and it went in one ear and out the other.

5. How to arrange a cheese board

This is something that I feel shows you have truly made it at an adult. You have people over to your house and just throw together a lovely charcuterie board for your guests like its nothing. But what do you buy for it? Cheese, obviously. Meats? What types of cheese and meat? Grapes? Nuts? And how do you arrange it to look all pretty? Mark my words: when I can make a yummy and visually appealing cheese board, I've made it.

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