1.You may not be best friends with the first person you meet.
The first person I met was a short girl with short blonde hair and big blue eyes. When she spoke to me I felt as if she were always moving in some way: bouncing on her toes, playing with her shirt, or motioning with her hands. Her smile grew wide and her eyes shone brightly as she spoke to me about her cat and all of her younger siblings. I couldn’t get a word in and that was perfectly fine with me.
After I met her and learned all about her home life, I hardly ever saw her on campus and when I did I was too scared to wave or say hello, so she’d just walk by me. Later in the year I found out that she was roommates with one of my more permanent friends. I was pretty excited until I realized that she didn’t remember or have any interest in rekindling a long forgotten possible friendship. We began to frequent each other’s lives after that realization, but somehow we have yet to become friends.
2. The people you hang out with in the beginning of the year may not be the people you hang out with in the end of the year.
When my freshman year started I had a few groups of people I really enjoyed hanging out with that I thought I’d stick with until graduation… even if I wasn’t always comfortable with them. But it didn’t work out that way—most of those people I barely even spoke to after our classes together ended or our mutual friends left.
I ended up hanging out with a group of people I didn’t think I would fit into when I first met them. They had all known each other before entering Calvin and liked to talk about things I was completely unaware of. They made me squirm in my seat. But somehow they became the people that would both embrace and challenge me for years to come, and I really appreciate them for that.
3. It’s not possible to be friends with every person you can tolerate.
Just trust me on this one. There are way too many people to try to hang out with and really get to know. If you’re the type of person who can do that and still get your work done go for it. I tip my hat to you. But for most of us trying to get to know a large amount of people can be draining and distract us from our school work.
4. But those half-initiated friendships can be really helpful in the long run, and you may even become good friends later.
It’s nice to know that there are people outside of your friend group that you can talk to and hang out with every once in awhile, and sometimes it’s necessary for your own sanity to take advantage of these connections in this way.
5.You can be kicked out for getting bad grades.
Freshmen year is not the time to make mistakes. Not to say that you can’t make mistakes because that’s life, but if you know you can do better or avoid a problem do it. Making up for the mistakes made freshmen year is really hard and it leaves little leeway for future mistakes.
6. A 21 meal plan is great, but unrealistic.
Are you really going to wake up for breakfast? Weekend dining hall food? Really? And Pizza again? If you can afford it go out to eat every once in a while, get groceries, make friends with people who live nearby; any break from the repetitive dining hall menu is a good one.
7.There are commuter students among you and they’re pretty cool.
Over the summer I met a commuter student while volunteering, and she was one of the coolest people I have met so far. We often forget about our commuter community and fail to think about how hard it can be to find friends when you don’t live right next to them. Be open to new friends from further places.
8. You are never alone.
And I mean that in both the best and worst of ways. Noise will invade your quiet space, the CJ will be taken in crucial moments, all of your floor mates will hear your shower voice, and your roommate will always be gone and be present at the most inconvenient times. But there will also always be people around who can care for you and love you. It’s not hard to find people who will listen--go to the Counseling Center if no one else will hear you. Finding people who relate to you is surprisingly easy if you let yourself be vulnerable enough to express yourself. And prayer is an ever present option among leaders.
9.This is your home.
No matter where you are coming from, how far away you live, or where you want to go, once you’re here, you’re family. It may sound weird to you now and maybe even later. But what I’ve discovered here is that there are always people looking out for you when you’re not watching. And helping hands are never folded back. If you’re struggling here or if you think you will struggle, seek help before leaving. Go to the Counseling Center, visit ISDO, talk to staff and faculty, go to chapel, all of these things are more helpful than you may realize. When the Calvin community takes you in, it means for you to stay here, and however help can be offered it will be extended if you seek it. This community is here for you in the same annoying way that reminds you that you are never alone. We are always around, there are emails and invites about and to everything, and sometimes there’s a listening ear in the most crucial moments. There will be times when you feel like there’s no one here who cares and you might choose to leave because of it. Maybe you will find something that fits you better elsewhere. But keep us in mind just because you leave doesn’t mean that we forget or reject you. There are plenty of people here who are willing to support you beyond and outside of the Calvin Community.These nine things are what I have learned over the past couple of years, and I hope they can help you along the way.
