I Fell In Love With The Wrong Boy

I Fell In Love With The Wrong Boy

When your love life is a one-way street.

I fell in love with the wrong boy. The boy I couldn't, no, shouldn't want. The one who I felt was my everything, my soulmate. Just the thought of him made me so warm and happy, but it was wrong. I couldn't have him.

I couldn't wake up next to him smelling him. The smell of patchouli, sweat, and gardenias. The smell of hard work, taut muscles, and thick hairy legs. I couldn't have that oh so perfect smile you put on when I sent you that ludicrous video. When he uses all 43 muscles to smile I think I fall in love over and over again. I couldn't have any of it. I could only admire it.

I could only admire that gorgeous look he had in his eyes that night. The night we decided to watch movies and I lay in your lap taking in every sensation I possibly could from that small portion of your thigh. I could only admire the way he says my name - like music.

Oh, do I melt every time he says my name. I could only admire every aspect of his beautiful aura... from a distance. But that distance just grew until I felt like I was viewing you through a looking glass.

A looking glass that distorted all that was around me focusing only on you. A looking glass that I fell in love through. That same looking glass where I lost it. I forgot I saw you through a looking glass, where everything is reversed.

"I tried to make a home out of you, but doors lead to trap doors, a stairway leads to nothing."

So I broke. Slowly but surely I broke down. Weathered by your every movement as I realized my love was a lost cause. You broke my heart. You broke my heart the same way you fall asleep, unbeknownst to you and with every good intention. But, you're the magician. Put me back together again the way you cut me in half.

Cover Image Credit: Pixabay

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An Open Letter To My Boyfriend's Mom

A simple thank you is not enough.

Your son and I have been dating a while now and I just wanted to thank you for everything.

Wow, where do I start? Ever since the day your son brought me into your home you have shown me nothing but kindness. I have not one negative thought about you and I am truly thankful for that. I first and foremost want to thank you for welcoming me with open arms. There are horror stories of mothers resenting their son's girlfriends and I am blessed there is no resentment or harsh feelings.

Thank you for treating me like one of your children, with so much love but knowing exactly when to tease me.

Thank you for sticking up for me when your son teases me, even though I know it’s all in good fun it's always comforting knowing you have someone by your side.

Thank you for raising a man who respects women and knows how to take responsibility of mistakes and not a boy who is immature and doesn’t take responsibility.

Thank you for always including me in family affairs, I may not be blood family but you do everything you can to make sure I feel like I am.

Thank you for letting me make memories with your family.

There is nothing I value more in this world then memories with friends and family and I am thankful you want and are willing to include me in yours. I have so much to thank you for my thoughts keep running together.

The most important thing I have to thank you for is for trusting me with your son. I know how precious and valuable he is and I won't break his heart. I will do everything I can to make him happy. This means more than you could ever imagine and I promise I will never break your trust.

The second most important thing I must thank you for is for accepting me for who I am. Never have you ever wished I looked like another girl or acted like another girl. You simply love and care for me and that’s all I could ever ask. Every person in this world is a unique different person and understanding that means a lot.

The third most important thing I must thank you is teaching me how to one day in the future treat a potential girlfriend that I may interact with as a mother. I am not a mother, but I one day plan to be. If I ever have a son it is because of how you treated me that I am able to be a humble loving mother to this new face that could one day walk into my door. How you have treated me has taught me how I should one day be in the future and I thank you for that.

This may seem all over the place but that’s how my brain gets when I try and thank you for everything you have done for me. It’s all so much and even the little things are so important so I promise my scattered thoughts are all with good intentions and not meant to bombard you. I just want to get the idea across to you that you are important and special to me and everything you do does not go unnoticed.


Your Son’s Girlfriend

Cover Image Credit: Christian Images and Quotes

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To the ex who taught me what 'big love' Really Means

Our love was grand, but it wasn't sturdy.


It's been a while now. Not long enough for me to forget how bad it hurt when you left, but long enough for me to forget what your laugh sounds like. And maybe that's the problem.

It's been so long since I've seen you and so long since there was anything between us, much less something good — but somehow I still miss you. Every once in a while I have a dream about you or meet someone that reminds me of you, and while it hurts less than it did before, it still hurts. I get annoyed with myself for hurting now because it certainly has been long enough for me to not only get over you but to recover from the wounds you opened.

And I am over you. I have recovered, but I'm starting to think that maybe you were my one big love.

Because at the end of the day, our love was far bigger than us and was bound to crash and burn.

Our love was the passionate but toxic kind. We were never meant to be together and the minute we got involved it was guaranteed that at least one of us was going to get hurt. In fact, I vividly remember telling my roommate after our second date that "if this turns into something, it's going to end with someone's heart getting ripped out of their chest." Lucky me!

Although I certainly got the short end of the stick and took most of the pain of our breakup, I also think that in some ways we both got hurt. We had too many what-ifs and too many feelings left unsaid.

Just as you should've been far more open with me far sooner, I should've saved at least some of my heart from the wreckage that was to come. But I didn't. It didn't matter to me that you waited so long to tell me how you felt because I knew it all along. I could feel it. So I didn't vocalize it, but I gave you everything.

In a way, I am thankful.

If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't know what it felt like to reap the benefits of loving someone with your entire heart. However, I also never want to go through the pain that I felt when you left ever again.

So where does this leave us? You're in a serious relationship now, and from what it sounds like you are loving her the way you loved me, but with more loyalty and logic. I hope that's true. I hope you have not only dedicated your heart to her but have also dedicated yourself to being open and truthful with her. Because as you and I learned the hard way, love is nothing without honesty. I think you know that now, and so do I, but unfortunately it's far too late for us.

Thank you for gifting me with the experience of a love that is fiery, passionate, exciting and all-consuming. Despite the fact that a part of me still cracks every time I see a picture of you, I have no regrets. I hope you don't either.

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