I Fell In Love With The Wrong Boy

I Fell In Love With The Wrong Boy

When your love life is a one-way street.
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I fell in love with the wrong boy. The boy I couldn't, no, shouldn't want. The one who I felt was my everything, my soulmate. Just the thought of him made me so warm and happy, but it was wrong. I couldn't have him.

I couldn't wake up next to him smelling him. The smell of patchouli, sweat, and gardenias. The smell of hard work, taut muscles, and thick hairy legs. I couldn't have that oh so perfect smile you put on when I sent you that ludicrous video. When he uses all 43 muscles to smile I think I fall in love over and over again. I couldn't have any of it. I could only admire it.

I could only admire that gorgeous look he had in his eyes that night. The night we decided to watch movies and I lay in your lap taking in every sensation I possibly could from that small portion of your thigh. I could only admire the way he says my name - like music.

Oh, do I melt every time he says my name. I could only admire every aspect of his beautiful aura... from a distance. But that distance just grew until I felt like I was viewing you through a looking glass.

A looking glass that distorted all that was around me focusing only on you. A looking glass that I fell in love through. That same looking glass where I lost it. I forgot I saw you through a looking glass, where everything is reversed.

"I tried to make a home out of you, but doors lead to trap doors, a stairway leads to nothing."

So I broke. Slowly but surely I broke down. Weathered by your every movement as I realized my love was a lost cause. You broke my heart. You broke my heart the same way you fall asleep, unbeknownst to you and with every good intention. But, you're the magician. Put me back together again the way you cut me in half.

Cover Image Credit: Pixabay

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Just Because I Check My Boyfriend's Location Every Hour Doesn't Make Me A 'Psycho Girlfriend'

No, checking his location every hour does not make me psycho.
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My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for a few months now. He has come up with describing my actions sometimes as “psycho girlfriend.” As much as this bothered me at first I started to realize there is nothing wrong with my “psycho” actions.

I don’t monitor who my boyfriend hangs out with and I don’t care who he texts, I trust him, but I do watch other things he does.

I probably check his location about once an hour, maybe more if he isn’t texting me back.

This isn’t some way for me to find out if he is with another girl, it’s so I can ensure he isn’t dead in a ditch somewhere. If he was on Snapchat five minutes ago but hasn’t texted me back in 45 minutes, yeah I’ll call him out on it but I'm not actually mad. If he is with friends and not answering me, it’s cool. I just want to be able to make sure I know where he is and that he is alive on a regular basis.

I make him keep his read receipts on for me.

I don’t care if he leaves me on read, I just need to know he is seeing what I’m saying. Half the time, I text him random facts or thoughts I have throughout my day, those don’t always need a response back. However, I do want to know he is acknowledging me through reading my texts.

Yes, from time to time I will spam him and make him respond to my messages so we can make plans or I can know what he is doing with his day but it’s not like I plan out his every move for him or care if he is getting drunk with the boys on a Wednesday, not my issue.

I don’t ask for all of his time or anything. I know he is a busy person. All I ask for him to text me back on a regular basis (once an hour to be exact), for him to allow for me to know where he is at all times and to get one night a week with him.

I don’t plan to show up where he is or anything, I simply just like to know information and get a weekly time with him. I don’t care if I only see him that one night a week, I just want one night with a movie or dinner or snuggles so I can get my boyfriend time.

The rest of the time he is his own person, and I couldn’t really care less about what he does in that time.

Cover Image Credit: Grace Wilkowski

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I'm Not Waiting Around For You Anymore

This shouldn't make me into the bad guy.
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We've all dealt with them: That one person who we will always like no matter what. There's always that person who treats us like dirt but we would still drop everything for them. But why? Why do we allow someone to have the power to walk in and out of our lives whenever they want to?

With us, it's been up, down, left, right — basically anywhere besides the right direction. After all of these times of being lead on and hurt, why am I still here waiting for you? Am I waiting for you to grow up? To want the same thing? To realize how much you actually need me? It might be a combination of all three.

However, this story is getting a little shaken up. I'm done waiting for you. I cannot take three steps forward just to jump back to the starting line. After more than 10 chances over the years I've known you, you still couldn't make it work. If you haven't realized what's right here after all of this time, then I have come to the conclusion that we don't need each other at all.

I will never understand you, and that's OK. I'll never understand why you say that you regret not taking the chance to be with me but will screw me over consistently. Maybe I'm a confidence boost for you or someone you go to when you're bored. That was fine. But not anymore.

The fact that I'm walking away shouldn't make you upset or anything that will make me feel guilty. I'm doing me and I mean it this time. I will not chase you down to love me. I'm not posting things in hopes for you to like them and I am no longer checking to see if you've seen my snap story. The games are over and I am tired of holding myself back from everyone else because I want you to come running to me out of the blue.

Game over. You lost.

Cover Image Credit: geograph.ie

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