Your first bra wasn’t actually a training bra like all your friends had, but a mini underwire to support your abnormally sized fourth-grade boobs. No worries, your new bra makes you feel extra cool because it’s different than everyone else’s. Then all of a sudden you wake up and your mom points out your training bra double boob and drives you to the mall for your first real fitting.
If you have big boobs you already know what this means. Your first fitting didn’t mean buying the 32A everyone seems to fit in at least once. It’s skipping the A, and maybe even the B, and jumping right into the woman’s section—yuck. That means beige, black and white for you dear, my sincerest apologies.
You’re in high school now, rocking a mom bra with a pair of double D’s while all your friends are buying the sexiest new Victoria Secret bras. “Oh well”, you think because it’s great to have big boobs! Being young means your first thought is, “All the boys will like me better because of my big boobs." Until you realize meeting boys means flirtatious eye-to-eye contact for you and eye-to-boob contact for them. High school keeps dragging on and by junior year you’re wearing an F. I think by now we’re just down to white. Great, as if my underwear could have gotten any uglier
Now we’re in college and you’re wearing a G. Yes a G. “That’s really a thing?!” Well, I didn’t just make it up? When all your new friends at school come into your dorm after you’ve done laundry, your bras become the topic of conversation. PSA: Please stop wearing my bra as a hat.
Having big boobs has its perks, absolutely. You can usually get out of a ticket if you push em’ out the window good enough for the cop to look, maybe you’ll even get a free coffee every now and then. But do the pros really outweigh the cons? I mean let's talk about the pain. Having big boobs mean O-U-C-H. “Hey, can you rub my shoulders?” A phrase that everyone in your life learns to dread. And what about spaghetti straps? Strapless anything? What about those days you just don’t feel like wearing a bra? Well sorry again honey but unless you want to embrace that little extra sag or your rock hard nipples, it’s a bra for you.
By now you’re fed up! You’re sick of your stupid big boobs. You want to wear a strapless dress. You want a piece of clothing that properly fits your waist and your boobs. You want to finally order a medium instead of a large. You want to throw on a cute bralette under a t-shirt to run to the grocery store. You are sick of the dreadful double boob and even worse, the uni boob. How about taking a selfie without your boobs taking up all the space? Or buying a shirt that doesn’t ripple in the middle. And by the way, stop assuming I’m a try hard because no matter what I put on, there will undoubtedly be cleavage. I would like to wear one sports bra instead of three when I go to the gym. Well too bad because right and left boob would smack you in the face the first tread of running. Pause, let's not even talk about running because as if. Want to lie on your stomach to sleep? No. Your boobs say no. Living with big boobs is literally having them dictate your life. In more ways than imaginable to my fellow small boobed friends.
But perhaps the most annoying thing about having big boobs is being defined by them. Your last name isn’t the indicator of which Jazmine you are but it’s actually “the one with the big boobs?” Yep, that’s me. I’ve been defined by the size of my breasts since they first developed on my chest. And as annoying as they are to me, they’re a part of my identity. I wouldn’t know what to do without them. “Have you ever thought about getting a reduction?” Unquestionably, but how could I? They’re a huge piece of me that I wouldn’t trade for anything smaller. The pain is manageable. The clothes aren't too bad. And sometimes the ugly bras are even a little comfy. I’ll continue to do my physical therapy and my yoga to strengthen my shoulders so they can carry my forever friends because my boobs are big, but they’re not going anywhere.