My entire life, I have been the "fat friend" of every friend group I have ever been a part of. I always felt out of place because my friends would sit on each other's laps, swap clothes, and rock crop tops and bikinis during the warm summer months. I would constantly stare in the mirror or look around stores wishing I never had to worry about buying clothes online or going to a store where the highest size they carried was a large.
I look at all the shirts labeled as XL or 1X in my closet and wish I could even just move down to an L. Being the "DUFF" of the friend group is not fun at all, but I would never wish it upon my friends to blame themselves. They cannot help how they are created and built, and in a certain aspect, I can't either. But it doesn't make it any better.
Here are 17 feelings I have felt, and I'm sure many other girls have felt in their friends groups as the "fat friend."
1. You have to take 100 photos before you find the perfect one, either because your double chin slipped out or your muffin top showed through your shirt.
Taking photos with friends is not the most pleasant time. I love taking photos to keep memories forever, but taking a selfie takes about 30 tries for you compared to the one try for your friend. By the 30th time, I usually get my head to tilt just the right way, so my double chin doesn't show. Another thing is group pictures and having to hide in the back or suck my stomach in, in hopes that my stomach is sticking out through my shirt and making me look even more overweight. Impromptu pictures are also a big no; that is double chin and muffin top galore.
2. Your friends always sit on your lap, you never sit on theirs.
In fear of crushing my friend's legs or them realizing how extremely heavy I am, I always offer for my friends to sit on my lap. If I ever do sit on a friend's lap, I always try to focus my weight on my legs, so it is less weight on them. But at that point, it isn't even comfortable anymore, and I'd rather stand.
3. Borrowing clothes or swapping clothes is never possible.
Unless you're lucky enough that you have a friend that wears looser clothes or is a similar size to you, you must always have an extra set of clothes handy when going to a friend's house. If you aren't a size medium, wearing your friend's clothes is not an option. In the case that something happens to your clothes, you're basically screwed.
4. Nothing is worse than your friends complaining about how fat they are.
I know everyone can be insecure about their weight, but nothing makes me feel worse than when my friends complain about being fat, and they weigh at least 50 pounds less than I do. I always think, "If you're fat, then what does that make me?" If you are a size medium, how should that make me feel about my XL and size 16 or 18 jeans. Under size 12 or 14 is not fat; I'm sorry, but that is reality.
5. Feeling envy over your friends wearing crop tops and bikinis.
I've always wanted to know what it felt like to be able to sport a bikini or crop top out in public, but that has never been reality for me. I've always felt envious of my friends and their ability to show their stomach without fear of their muffin top hanging out.
6. Summer is also torture via chaffing thighs.
If you don't want to experience heat stroke during summer, shorts are a necessary outfit choice. Unfortunately, when you don't have a thigh gap, the skin on your thighs rubs together endlessly, causing chaffing. In addition, shorts ride up, and unless you like the painful chaffing of your thighs, you must constantly tug at your shorts to save yourself from pain.
7. Any sort of order form involving clothing creates anxiety.
Is the shirt unisex? Is it female style? Should I go bigger or stick true to size? And nothing is worse than teachers or members calling out for sizes and you are the only one in the class that must announce that you need an extra-large. Not only is it embarrassing, but there is constant fear leading up to the receiving of the shirt.
8. Going to a party equals all of your friends getting guys and you feeling like an annoying bystander.
When you have a group of good-looking single friends and go out to a party, it is almost inevitable that at least one of them will end up getting hit on and dance with a hot guy. If enough of your friends end up with guys, you end up dancing alone, feeling like a loser, and wishing you were anywhere but there. The only guys that ever seem to hit on fat girls are creepy or guys you want absolutely nothing to do with. Guys are less attracted to fat girls, and it makes going out a less pleasurable experience.
9. The fear of being warm and,or sweaty makes outfit decisions lengthy.
I'm a naturally warm person, and I believe it is related to my elevated amount of body fat. Choosing what clothes to wear to class or in general becomes a lengthy decision when considering the weather outside and the temperature of the classroom I will be in. The worst times fall between the changing of seasons when the school hasn't quite made up its mind as to whether the heat will go on or the A/C will. If I am in a warm environment, expect me to start sweating within 10 minutes. This is also torture at parties when it's 100 degrees and you're having a great time but cannot stop sweating. Sweat is gross and not cute at all, and it makes things that are supposed to be fun actually worrisome over whether I should've put more deodorant on or where I'm going to wipe my sweat.
Being the "fat friend" is not a fun experience, but it is something I've come to live with. I should love who I am, regardless as to the feelings above. I was born this way, and I should love my body, but it doesn't make any of these feelings go away. I don't blame my friends for the feelings I have, they're just emotions put forward by the way I am.