Welcome to the first installment of my "advice column!" This might be a little different than my other articles, and sometimes I may sound like a fortune cookie, but I hope it helps some people out. If you need an outsider perspective on something, feel free to send in a question or scenario in which you need some advice to the following link! http://goo.gl/forms/x0lNKCMb4H If I can, I'll respond to it in a future article. It's anonymous, unless you want to mention your name.
What should I do if I have feelings for two guys at once?
Dear Two Guys One Heart,
The answer is obviously polygamy. Just kidding. That's illegal. But, in reality you have to give yourself some time to figure out your feelings. If you're like me and believe that romantic relationships should be between two people, then eventually you'll have to choose one guy to be with/pursue a relationship with. At this point you may not know each of them the same amount. Maybe you've spent more time with one and not the other. Try getting to know them both about the same—to avoid those "but what if" doubts. Then, imagine that they each take part of you heart. Who has the bigger piece? Who would you rather trust with it? Who could make it grow bigger? They might sound like strange questions, but the difference between a good friend and a romantic one is that they occupy different parts of your heart— so imagine they're pulling on that different part of your heart. However, make sure you don't crush their hearts in order to confirm yours. Keep their feelings in mind as well. Time will reveal your answer anyways. Your mind will be given clarity shortly.
How do I get people to stop spreading rumors about me?
I'm sorry that you're in this situation. People just care too much about the lives of others, sometimes to a fault— like in this case. My hope is that this is only temporary. If you're in college, the opinions of those who aren't your true friends don't really matter, because those who actually know you and care for you will want to know only the truth. If it affects your success, that's a different story. However, I can't give you a great answer on how to stop rumors because there could be a million and one reasons as to why they're occurring. But, I'll try some suggestions. You could go straight to the source of the rumor mill and indirectly confront them so that they don't call you rude, too confrontational, or "bitchy".
"Hey, I've been hearing some things said about me that I know aren't true like [blah blah blah blah blah blah], and I know you're in the friend group that it's going around in, so if rumors like that ever get to you, could you please put a stop to them?"
Something like that. But, if y'all aren't even on talking terms, then I guess you'll have to have some awesome bonding experience like saving each others' lives and then all bad blood will be forgotten. That might not be likely, so the best thing to do is to learn to ignore the rumors, while occasionally quieting rumors when you can by correcting people even when you shouldn't have to. Be careful not to act rude in the same way people are acting to you. That will only cause more problems. To help you cope, think about celebrities that have entire magazines dedicated to spreading rumors about them. Does it stop them from winning Grammys, Oscars, or success? Never. It might break down confidence a bit, but that's just temporary. You're strong enough to survive some trivial rumors.