Something that I've always taken great pride in is writing articles that are transparent. I don't mind people seeing me or seeing through me: as long as what they're seeing through me is Jesus. After the adventures I've been on this summer I realized that it was finally time to write this article. I've been candid about my struggles with depression and anxiety before and I'm choosing to be candid yet again because there is more to learn and more beauty that the Lord wishes to unfold through my story.
Growing up in a Christian home I had always been taught that God was more than enough for me, and I whole heartedly believe this. Throughout the Bible, The Lord promises us that He will walk alongside us through the mountains and the valleys of this life and beyond. I believe that He does this. A huge mistake that I made in the forming of what I personally believe about the Lord was, that I misinterpreted Him being next to me as Him taking the bad things away after using them to teach me small painless lessons. I've learned that while yes, Jesus wroks through small painless struggles He also labors when the hurt runs deep. I've learned that sometimes He allows that deep hurt to last. I've learned that sometimes that deep hurt dwells for a long time even when we can't grasp why. Through these lessons, I've come to the realization that lasting hurt is sometimes a part of your framework as a human. AND THATS OKAY. IT'S ACTUALLY SO OKAY THAT IT'S SOMETHING TO REJOICE IN.
As someone who has been struggling with depression and anxiety for a number of years now the biggest thing that The Lord has taught me is that me battling the feelings that come with these diagnoses was not an accident but is something to rejoice in. Struggling with these feelings was something that for a while made me feel less than as a Christian. I felt as if I was labeled Depressed or Anxious by others rather than having the reputation of someone that loves The Lord. I felt undeserving of being labeled a Daughter of the King. Even though I knew I loved God, I was caught up in the fear that when others looked at me they were seeing my mental illness and not seeing my Creator. But The Lord has shown me through His love and truth that I have nothing to fear.
The further I've gotten into the Bible the more of the Lord's truths I've uncovered and the more I've come to rejoice on my lowest days. I know now that even when I wake up and can't imagine getting out of bed that's okay. I know that I'm allowed to have bad days and shed tears: it doesn't make me any less of a Christian. It doesn't make you any less of a Christian and I hope that someone reading this needs to hear that. It does notmake you less than for the simple fact that the ground is level at the cross. We are look down upon and loved immeasurably more than we can imagine by the Savior. I don't know what you personally struggle with but I do know that there is a God who loves you endlessly. I do know that if you choose to keep your eyes fixed on Him through your struggles people will see Him though your struggle. Sometimes showing people Jesus means showing them your struggles palms up and arms out. I truly hope that you find encouragement in knowing you're not alone & knowing that your reflection of or love for The Lord is not tied to your mental illness. Reflecting the Lord's character and being a strong Christ follower means basking in the joy of transparency. The Holy Spirit moves in our weakness and if we never show weakness than we never showcase His movement. I challenge you to seek joy and comfort in vulnerability. Most importantly, hold on to the fact that He redeems everything in His time and His timing is perfect.
