Feeling Blue Going Home For The Holidays
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Feeling Blue Going Home For The Holidays

Just when I was getting the hang of being on my own it's time to fly back to the homeland!

Feeling Blue Going Home For The Holidays
Lauren Sexton

As the end of the semester has finally arrived and most of the student body travel miles away to take a well-deserved break at home, I'll be wishing I was back in Tuscaloosa rather that my humble beginnings of Grosse Pointe. Don't take me wrong, I am ecstatic to see my family, my dogs, my bed, my favorite restaurants, but besides that, I am not a fan of "home".

It is easy to say that I was not a fan of my high school experience, well that's a lie. I hated it. And although I have graduated and lived hundreds of miles away from those who brought me so much grief, the idea that I must go back is starting to get on my nerves. I know they say in life you should forgive, forget, and move on. But that isn't going to cut it for me. Although I might just be a face in one of their dusty old yearbooks, to me, they remain the people who made my life more difficult, and at times, it still haunts me to this very day.

There is nothing wrong being from the bitter cold of the Midwest, and not wanting to leave the confines of your warm home to venture out into the frozen cloudy wasteland. That was a major part of my plan. But I have constant nightmares that I am going to bump into former peers at the grocery store or the gym. Having to subject myself to the pain I suffered for so many years. The pain only I can understand because it was my experience.

I want to say that I can be the bigger person, but I can't. There have been so many that hurt me, and the sooner my flight home nears, the more pain I have in my chest. Everyone has different stories to tell about growing up. As the girl who sat by watching most of it, these kids peaked in high school. I remained drama-free, however, every once in a while for their amusement they would poke me to try to get a rise out of me. And for my "good group of close friends" that I had, they turned out to be the most toxic people in my life, and thank God I broke free from them, but along with it, I lost every ounce of confidence that I had.

Writing this, I feel as though I have given them all the power when in reality I am the one who has it all. I am nothing to them. I never was anything to them. I know that, unlike them, I don't see myself moving back to my "roots" and living the same lives as they will. The thing about where I am from, is the chances of leaving are slim. People stay there for their whole lives. If they leave, they return, get married, and raise their families there. And I am not going to be a part of that. Thankfully I left for a reason and I know there is so much more outside of the confines of Grosse Pointe. There is a whole world of adventure and experiences. A world filled with people that never step foot in Grosse Pointe. And I look forward to living in that world outside the bubble.

So that brings me to where this all started, the fear of being home for the holidays. When I really think about it, it's not a fear of returning to Grosse Pointe or seeing people who are meaningless to me. I guess it is a fear of never aspiring to do more than that. There is something to be said about one's beginnings. It makes them who they are, but after being in college for a semester, I realize that I am so much more, and I am beyond settling for old surroundings. I understand that some people are homebodies and have no desire to see what else is out there.

I know that they will end up living in the same town they have their entire lives, marry someone they went to high school with, their children are going to the same school as they did, and they will turn into their parents. Which is great if that is all they aspire to do. But want more. I've learned from my parents that getting out of my comfort zone and living life is fulfilling and rewarding, and that is exactly what I plan to continue doing. So, I guess I really don't have anything to fear after all.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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