I sometimes wonder how it's possible that God doesn't get fed up with us as humans, always leaving His side, thinking we know what's best, rejecting the love He gives. I also wonder how it's possible that humans (particularly myself) don't run to a God that promises ultimate goodness, freedom, and love. Giving up control, I believe, is at the heart of "letting go and letting God." And although I know that God has the best plan for me, my issue is that I don't feel like God has the best plan for me.

Humans are emotional beings; we were created that way, and it is good! However, I've come to expect that good things are supposed to feel good (this is untrue; running and broccoli are excellent examples). I know that God has promised me peace and freedom should I follow in His way, no matter how difficult the path. And yet, as I walk this valley, I'm frustrated at God that I don't feel free, nor do I feel peace. Where are these promises?

It has taken me far too long to realize that God has not promised the feelings of peace and freedom, but has certainly promised the actual things. The Wheaton student in me must quote Bonhoeffer here:

"God is not a god of the emotions, but the God of truth." --Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Trusting in the truth of God is hard. We are not promised the feeling of freedom always or right away, but we are promised that it will come in full and in perfection. Hallelujah! How marvelous to have a God that does not simply shroud our insecurities in fleeting feelings, but nails them to a cross and promises their ultimate deaths.

When choosing the right way of God, I sometimes feel like the Israelite slave leaving Egypt. The God of all Creation has plucked me from a hurtful circumstance and set me towards the promised land, and yet, the farther away from my captivity I walk, the more I look back and beg to return to the safety of slavery where at least I knew what was going to happen.

But there's a reason I get frustrated reading the story of the complaining Israelites--it's because I know the ending, that God will come through and bless them insurmountably. No matter your valley, no matter how dark or shadowy or captive you feel--God is a God of truth. You are free in Him, and He will prove Himself as He's done time and time again.