Everyone has heard the complaints: unreasonable curfew, dread upon asking for anything, constant FOMO (fear of missing out), and in my experience, that's only the start. I grew up with strict parents, and whenever situations didn’t go my way, the countdown to turning 18 was my consolation.
My parents would not ease their strict rules, even as I became an adult. The effects of being a product of a strict household creates the fears gripping me as I transition from adolescent to adult.
The strict household I grew up in shaped who I am, and I can’t help wondering if the person I am today is my true self, or if I act as a watered-down version of who I am, a persona created as a defense to hide from the rejection sheltered children of strict parents know too well.
Fear of insult or demands to stop kept me from opening up and sharing, possibly foreshadowing the introverted person I have become, or, once comfortable with someone, the incredibly open person I am: sharing everything to compensate for the fact that I did not with my parents. Does my tendency to retain the feeling of guilt stem from the guilt trips used in any situation? Does my instinct to keep anything important to me close, often times in secret, in case my parents did not approve?
The structure I used growing up (to save myself from the rejection or denial of my parents) is something I see in who I am today. I cannot be sure it is who I am, or a defense mechanism that I adapted so long ago that it became part of my life.
As easy as it is to wallow in the memory of changing clothes in the school bathroom before first period, what worries me is how being raised a sheltered, only child in a strict household may affect my transition to adulthood.
My parents had always chosen my friends, activities, even my email address. Using their judgement, they never let me develop my own. Social events, from sixth grade sleepovers to senior prom after parties, were always an issue because my parents didn’t know the host family well enough.
Though reasonable as a child, at 17 years old, I was almost entirely dependent on my parent’s judgement, due to the lack of opportunity to develop my own, and the rules set based on their judgement - not my own or any combination of ours. I fear that in the first situation that requires a decision, I won’t have the experience or personal judgement to take the right course of action.
I don’t know what to aspire to, every goal I have held has been advocated by my parents, leaving me unsure if they are my goals, or someone else’s. My parents are so supportive of aspirations they approve of, and I can’t tell if I have dreams gone unrealized due to the disapproval and discouragement.
Similarly, I do not have a grasp on what makes me happy, only on what makes my parents happy. I am so focused on living by my parents rules, and on pleasing them, that I do not know how to live for myself.
This fall marks the biggest transition for me yet: college. Traveling cross country to start college will be a test of myself, and with the obstacles my strict upbringing presents, I am worried I may fail that test. As college comes, I will have to use my own judgement to make my own decisions in hopes of pursuing my own ideas.
My fear is that my lack of experience developing judgement and making my own decisions, in addition to the uncertainty as to whose dreams I’m pursuing, will hinder my ability to function as an adult. Being dependent on the judgement of my mom and dad for my whole life has stunted the development of the gut instinct and personal judgement that decisions are based off of.
I fear that I do not know how to live without the crutch of my parents, and will feel incredibly lost without their strict guidance.
Everyone faces transitional issues during the journey to college, and having overprotective parents sheltering me as I grew up presents an even bigger challenge. I feel that having strict parents has deprived me of the opportunity to make those inevitable mistakes while developing judgement and goals in a controlled environment, and leaves me to stumble without the parental safety net.
I fear that I lack the instinct and judgement I saw so many of my peers develop. Granted, no one my age has perfected their personal judgement, as someone who has not had the experience to begin, I feel I am behind and disadvantaged for it.
I understand that my parents are only overprotective out of concern and love. Overprotective and all, they are pretty great parents - yet I feel that the consequences of a strict upbringing will negatively affect my transition to adulthood.
Though, if there is an upside to the issues I fear, it is the motivation that comes aside it. Starting college with a lack of personal judgement and instinct, and the doubt as to whose dreams I am pursuing, motivates me to develop everything I lack. I am driven to explore and develop without the constraints of a strict household, and the new setting of college will present great opportunity for me to do so. I remain optimistic that the motivation to explore will allow me to expand my person past the boundaries set by the sheltered guidelines I was raised by. Who knows, maybe I’ll make an email account that I don’t have to give my parents access to!
