For a few months now, I have been asked many questions about nervousness and anxiety for this coming semester since I am starting at a new school. People from my church, community college, and friends have been thinking of me and praying for me for a very long time. I am so super thankful.
I never knew how to answer these questions at the moment, but now, I know exactly what I would say. This morning completely showed my answer. A N X I O U S.
I woke up this morning in complete fear of what today had to bring. I let the enemy take hold of my thoughts and feelings that I started crying in my roommate's room as she was laying in the bed telling me to go get dressed for class. I stayed up last night so that I would not have to get up this morning. I knew that if I went to sleep, the night would go by so fast that the morning would be here in no time.
I set my alarm for just enough time to get me to campus an hour before school starts so that I can figure out exactly where I am going. I have never been so stressed out in my entire life. I was shaking for an hour before it stopped. I took a break from doing my makeup three times so that I could let the tears fall.
This was the first time in a long time that I had let the enemy win a battle in my life. I usually detect what he is doing and put a quick stop to it. This morning, however, was different. I let him win. He took control over my heart and I never want to let him have any part of me ever again. I absolutely hated the feeling of not knowing what would happen and that being it. I love having the feeling of trusting the Lord even when the unknown gets scary.
Anxiety is something that I have to wake up every single day and tackle with full force. It is not something that just goes away over night and if you are like me, people telling you that, "It's gonna be alright," helps even less.
My encouragement to you would be to trust the Lord, even when it hurts. Even when you feel like you are all alone in your suffering, find a community of people who are going to love you through your mess.