I wouldn’t call it a resolution, but there is one word I aim to better emulate not just this year, but for the rest of my life:

Authenticity.

Some fitting synonyms that come to my mind are genuineness, truthfulness, and even vulnerability. I want to be the me-est me, and I want to invite others to be the them-est them, if you will.

Pondering the idea of authenticity over break, I asked my family and I asked myself what this word really means. I wondered why people are so drawn to the idea of being authentic, and yet are simultaneously addicted to patterns of what is inauthentic: things like lying, social climbing, and following the transient trends of clothes and even vocabulary. I don’t know much about the complexities of the human psyche, but I think by now, I’ve learned a thing or two about why authenticity is so hard for us to grasp, but important to pursue.

I will share what I've learned in a series of two articles -- this is the first of two.

INTRO -- THE RISK OF AUTHENTICITY

Sitting across from my sister at brunch last week, I didn’t expect to hear something so eye-opening, on the exact subject I had been mulling over for weeks.

The topic of conversation was, “we should be who we are. But why?”

Not word for word, but basically, she responded with this:

“Authenticity is showing all of yourself to people; it’s letting others decide for themselves if they like you or not, instead of controlling their viewpoint/controlling your own pain.”

Holy wow. Let’s unpack that, in three parts: what it means to show all of yourself to people, letting others decide for themselves if they like you or not, and inauthenticity as a mechanism to control your pain.

PART ONE:

Authenticity is showing the whole of yourself to people…

This means not just your cool hobbies and your strengths. Most of the time, meeting new people is like handing out a resume, which includes things that are all true, but it doesn’t include all things about oneself, period. But being authentic means readily exposing your good, your bad, and the traits some might love and others might hate. You don’t fake being better than you are, or being different than you are.

Thus, authenticity exposes a person to injury; people might not like those funny socks you wear, they might think that joke was really dumb or your laugh is too loud and annoying. But all of these reasons we have to quiet ourselves, to turn down our brightness and dim our colors, are all based upon a projection we put onto others. We aren’t letting people see those funny socks and tell us about their own cool pair, being inauthentic doesn’t let us find out if that stranger can deal the same kind of pun or sarcasm right back, and holding back a laugh could prevent those around you from doubling over into their own laughter, which would be an experience more real and enjoyable than neutral small-talk.

Authenticity invites the chance to be rejected, but it also invites the possibility for more wholehearted acceptance and connection.

Looking around at the college and American lifestyle we live in, I see that we are so ready to assume rejection from others. Not entirely without reason – I have memories of hurtful words and looks I’ve received when I exposed my personality, and I felt as though I was punished for being myself. But I sure know that my closest friendships are the ones where I say and do the strange and unconventional things that come readily to mind, and those oddities are celebrated instead of discouraged.

Yes, of course there will always be people who don’t understand the funny jokes or call my quirks weird and unlikable, but trying to appease all people warps a person. There can still be respect between people who aren’t close, and just because someone doesn’t want to be your best friend doesn’t mean that there aren’t a hundred other people who could love your deepest, truest self.

Honestly, I don’t think any of us would be interested in really liking everyone either. Connections are meaningful because they aren’t universal. We shouldn’t take too much offense in how we don’t click with every member of the human race. It comes down to this:

Would you rather have the passive respect of hundreds, or the passionate love of a few?

Now, another bit of the trouble with true authenticity is that you do have to expose your flaws and be honest about who you are with others. That doesn’t mean saying every possibly rude thought or letting your weaknesses run and wreck your life… no. It includes sincere respect and discretion, and an honest desire to improve oneself, while also knowing perfection isn’t attainable, nor expected.

Authenticity and self-improvement are not mutually exclusive.

So, back to exposing one’s flaws and being honest with them… that’s a hard thing to do, but don’t we all admire the people who admit their mistakes and apologize, much more than we do those who lie and give excuses? Sharing weaknesses and struggles allows others to feel comfortable enough to expose their own weaknesses and struggles.

Being authentic with one's weaknesses actually allows that person to come to terms with and/or improve those weaknesses. Inauthenticity only makes one’s flaws fester, or stay unaddressed.

In part two of this article next week, I will go on to discuss letting others decide for themselves if they like you or not, and inauthenticity as a mechanism to control one's pain.