Life without a father was indeed a battle for me, but I hid it pretty well growing up. When people asked about my Dad, I would get upset and roll my eyes as I responded with "I don't know and I don't care." This anger and resentment were bottled up inside of me for years, but I masked it. I lived my life pretending that I didn't care that he missed so many important events, pretending to have no desire to see him, but deep down inside, I was a brokenhearted mess. It didn't help that I was surrounded by people who talked negatively about my Dad, and I soaked it all up to the point where I hated someone I never knew.
It wasn't until 2010 when I was sitting in my dorm room, when everything changed.
It was a regular day at Nyack College -- February 28, 2010, to be exact. It was dinnertime, so I decided to start getting ready, but I just could not get off Facebook. As I was sitting on my bed, I heard a voice say "Why don't you look for your Dad?" I laughed and continued to scroll, like and comment. "Why don't you look for your Dad?" Nope! I'm not looking for anyone who is not looking for me, and I doubt my Dad would have a Facebook page!
After 10 mins of doubt and pride, I decided to type in his name. "This is extremely ridiculous" were my exact thoughts. I clicked enter, and about 20 names popped up on the screen. Who has time to question all these men? Not me! I'm hungry and I'm about to miss dinner! But curiosity would not let me leave, so I decided to proceed to the next step. This step put me in the most vulnerable position, and all pride had to be stripped away.
I sent out my first message to a man with a Lion of Judah image as his profile picture. I asked "I was kind of curious...how many kids do you have? I'm looking for my dad and you have the same name..." Send! I was so anxious to hear his response and I didn't think he would respond right away, but as soon as I got up, I heard "ding!" I got a response! Unfortunately, it was not the response I wanted to see. He was not my Father. I decided to give it one last try and messaged the next person in line, "I was kind of curious...how many kids do you have? I'm looking for my dad and you have the same name..." I laughed, asking myself "What am I doing?" Once again, I felt like this was extremely ridiculous. "Ding!" Oh my gosh! He responded! I opened the message and it read, "You are my daughter. Look at that nose, those eyes. How is your Mom? Are you still in Queens?" At this point I missed dinner and I didn't care, this was the moment I have been waiting for since 1989.
On November 28th, 2014, I met my dad!
This was a powerful moment, an emotional moment but better yet, a redeeming moment. I finally realized that after all these years of not having an earthly father, my heavenly Father was always present, protecting me, loving me and calling me His own. The good, good Father!
I want to encourage whoever is reading this to believe that dreams really do come true, and God not only hears your prayers, but He answers them too!
