For many, Father’s Day is a happy time, and for many, it is not. Not everyone has a dad. Some people’s fathers have died. Some have left. Some were never around at all. Some have even had to cut their fathers out of their life due to abuse and toxicity. It can be depressing, even infuriating, to see other people happily out and about with their own fathers. It gets especially worse if you know your dad is spending time with other kids.

For me personally, I had to cut communication with my dad due to his alcohol abuse and him sending me mean and hurtful messages at all hours of the night. He wasn’t always this way. But it was too much to take, and frankly, something I shouldn’t have to take. We haven’t spoken in months, and it hurts. It hurts to know that he’s not there for me, and that he can’t love his children the way he should. That he can’t love me more than himself. I’m constantly afraid that he’s going to contact me with another volatile remark, and I’m also afraid to never speak to him again.

For all of us, there are many ways to get through the day. You can go out and have a great day with another relative. A grandfather, a stepfather, an uncle, a brother… even your mom, the list goes on. Spend time with your favorite role model and remind them how important they are to you. You can do an activity you’ll both enjoy, or cook them dinner, or just sit down and talk. This person has stuck around and been there for you and inspired you, and that is irreplaceable.

Another thing you can do is treat yourself. Make the day all about you. You have achieved all that you have, without and in spite of this person who was supposed to have your back always. You are fabulous. Go out, or stay in, and do your favorite activities. Do the things that make you happy. Pamper yourself. Maybe even take yourself out on a date!

Additionally, you can remember the good times, if it’s not too painful to bring them up. It’s ok to look back and enjoy those memories that you have from when you were younger, if you have them. It’s ok to enjoy them even if you’re mad at him. For me, I do have some good and fond memories with my dad when I was young.

This day is tough, but you will survive it. It’s ok to hurt. It’s ok to be angry. And most of all, it’s ok to miss your dad. Just know that you are fierce. You are strong, with or without him. Remember, tomorrow will come, and it will just be another day. You don’t need any person to validate your existence or your success, not even a parent.