First and foremost, I want to say I am sorry.
I am sorry for all the times I blamed you. I am sorry for all the times I ditched you. I am sorry for all the screaming and crying. I am sorry for the time I did not spend with you. I am sorry for how I treated you.
All you ever did was give me the world and I took that for granted way too often-- and I will admit that sometimes I still do now too. You always put me first, but I was too young and blind to see it. No matter what you always supported my decisions, even if you did not always agree with them. I could not see any of this then, but I can see it now clear as day.
When I was younger, I would never say it, but I always blamed you. As if it was your fault for the divorce; you left me. Now that I am older I can see that you were not to blame and you never left me. Even though you were not living in my home, you were always with me in my heart-- where it counts the most.Mommy would always tell me that no matter what was going on between you and her that did not stop either of you from loving me any less, that you would always be a great father to me, and that I needed you; not many children of divorce get to say that their mom was on their dad’s side, but she always told me I was wrong for how I treated you and I wish I saw it then instead of now.
I think back to all the times that all you wanted to do was spend time with me on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and every other weekend when all I wanted to do was be with my friends. I would think to myself that the time I spent with you was plenty, but now I can see that it was not nearly enough. You missed out on parts of my life I wish you could have been there for, but do not worry I do not blame you for that. I blame myself.
Fifteen minutes with you for one night was nowhere near enough time that you wanted or deserved. You would drive back and forth a thousand times if it meant you got to see a smile on my face. I did not know it then, but I can see it now-- I needed my dad. I made it seem like you were not important and I did not need you in my life when the truth is told, all I wanted and needed was you in my life. The time I took for granted I can never get back and that is regret that I have to live with every day.
Now, I can see how lucky I am to call you my father. You love me unconditionally, even when I seem unlovable. You always are on my side, even when I do not deserve to have anyone on my team. If I could turn back the clock I would have spent more time with you like you deserved and appreciated every little thing you ever did just to show me that you care. I am sorry that I could not see then what I can clearly see now.
Thank you for giving me the world.
Your Little Girl