An Open Letter To My Father After My Parents Divorce

Dearest Father,

First and foremost, I want to say I am sorry.

I am sorry for all the times I blamed you. I am sorry for all the times I ditched you. I am sorry for all the screaming and crying. I am sorry for the time I did not spend with you. I am sorry for how I treated you.

All you ever did was give me the world and I took that for granted way too often-- and I will admit that sometimes I still do now too. You always put me first, but I was too young and blind to see it. No matter what you always supported my decisions, even if you did not always agree with them. I could not see any of this then, but I can see it now clear as day.

When I was younger, I would never say it, but I always blamed you. As if it was your fault for the divorce; you left me. Now that I am older I can see that you were not to blame and you never left me. Even though you were not living in my home, you were always with me in my heart-- where it counts the most.

I think back to all the times that all you wanted to do was spend time with me on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and every other weekend when all I wanted to do was be with my friends. I would think to myself that the time I spent with you was plenty, but now I can see that it was not nearly enough. You missed out on parts of my life I wish you could have been there for, but do not worry I do not blame you for that. I blame myself.

Fifteen minutes with you for one night was nowhere near enough time that you wanted or deserved. You would drive back and forth a thousand times if it meant you got to see a smile on my face. I did not know it then, but I can see it now-- I needed my dad. I made it seem like you were not important and I did not need you in my life when the truth is told, all I wanted and needed was you in my life. The time I took for granted I can never get back and that is regret that I have to live with every day.

Now, I can see how lucky I am to call you my father. You love me unconditionally, even when I seem unlovable. You always are on my side, even when I do not deserve to have anyone on my team. If I could turn back the clock I would have spent more time with you like you deserved and appreciated every little thing you ever did just to show me that you care. I am sorry that I could not see then what I can clearly see now.

Thank you for giving me the world.

Love Always,

Your Little Girl